Like others have said I think you will really benefit from practice's to calm your mind. Personally I think you might also need to find a healthy outlet for your anger, I might be wrong but I get the sense that sometimes you are trying to dismiss it or suppress it, rather than process it.
I was going to expand on that picnic metaphor you found (I liked that), but it got a but tangential. So instead I simply say, whatever she has done wrong you're wife is in a lot if pain and she (rightly or wrongly) sees you as at least part of the cause. She is wounded and scared, if you see her like this its much easier to feel compassion (not pity) and I think that's the emotion you need to be able to safely open that door a crack
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
