Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[Sotto]

Hey TLEE, good for you for taking all of this on board! Some hefty 2x4s...

Maybe you could just work on the basis of offering encouragement and validation? I'm sure you'd be great at that...you have lots to offer..you're good at X etc..

You could even go as far as saying - hey, if I can help or support, just let me know.

But dial right back on any advice, or ideas, or any suggestion of - hey, I know what you need to do here, if you'l just let me tell you! I'm sure if your W just sees you as having faith and confidence that she can do this, that would be a good thing..

That stops short of you 'actively supporting' the separation. This whole situation wouldn't have been your choice. But it is around accepting and respecting her and her decision, and working with what you have here and now.

I can see that your W may feel that she 'lost' part of herself. She was Mum, Wife (to a successful man), but who else could she be? Working may bring her a great deal of satisfaction and confidence.

I'm with you on the....I did all these things, and I thought I was doing my best, working really hard... and then we find that some of these efforts were not always in the 'right' direction, or weren't always welcomed. It isn't easy to take, but it does build our understanding more of what our WAS want, and that's no bad thing - either for your current R, or a future one.

Good luck TLEE. I think you're doing really well with this.

Toots :-)