Just wanted to catch everyone up before I call it a night. The girls are watching a movie (Looney Toons in Action) and I have a few minutes before tending to the dishes.
I know Mer was having an insanely busy day like me... I had asked her to post the summary of an e-mail that she sent me after she posted here.
She was wise enough to encapsulate all the progress that Mr. Wonderful is making to get himself out of his MLC fog--things that I had not considered before my post this morning:
His friendliness, his concern for my hairy personal sitch, his Bob like demeanor, and his willingness to listen of late.
Before I go on, I will have to match Hud by saying that Mr. W. phoned me 7 times today... the last 2 were the same convo. He forgot he had told me something (he was in his car for the final call). True, he's been a ditz for the past year, but he was bubbly for all the calls.
One of them I told Triple J about in a chat. Most of the convos had to do with the golf tournament (the reason he called), but he wanted to segue into more personal chit chat every time.
The most enlightening convo with him went like this:
MW: "I'm really afraid of not getting all this work done now. I realize that I haven't done nearly enough calling around, and I don't want to lose money for the foundation. This tournament is going to cost a whole lot to put on."
Me: Yes, last year's tourney required a cash outlay of nearly $18K. I don't want that to happen either. "I understand."
MW: "I can't believe how much effort it takes to do this. Now I know why you were so stressed out about this so early in the process. I really don't want to screw this up."
Me: Softly. "K, do you know how hard it is not to take control of this? I've been doing this out of love for the past 4 years."
MW: Laughing. "Bets, please feel free to control me here."
Me: Sober as a church mouse and quiet still. "I won't do that. No matter how much I feel I want to. The fact is that this is good for all of us. I really don't have the time and energy to devote to this, and I trust you. I really do. I have faith that you will pull this off successfully." Don't look. I'm cringing at the thought of anything else.
MW: "I'm glad one of us is confident in me. I'm not so sure. What if I lose money? We won't have any money in the coffers to help little kids?"
Me: "Mr. W., you're not going to let that outcome happen. I have faith in you." And then I changed the subject, because my stomach hurt too much from thinking about financial losses.
Okay, the last time I was wary about the amount of phone calls he made to me, I got the announcement that he was moving into a bigger apartment. And now I'm very wary of this turn in events.
He's been calling me quite a bit (bar Sunday afternoon after the BBQ). Before that and after. He's acted like Bob a few times, and all the other times he's been upbeat.
His last call to me I let him know that his dad sent bday cards to the girls with money in them. And he apologized for being late. He commented, "Well, he's still grumpy. And he didn't send ME a fricking birthday card."
I said, "K, you know what? He managed to get out of his grief and sadness to do something nice for the girls. That is a huge step. I appreciate it, and so did D10. She said he rocked."
He said, "She actually said that? You know what? You're right. I'll cut him some slack."
WTF????? Since when did I become a champion for his parents? I think I've been possessed by an alien myself. Tee hee... maybe I'm making some headway in the forgiveness area?
So, my trusty BB and IM buddy (Triple J) suggested yesterday that it is time for me to study and work on Step 3.
Meredith, I think this is what you were eluding to in your post: being caught between M and D and what outcome do I want?
Well, even though I wonder if I'm a complete buffoon for wanting such an emotionally crippled man, I look at my daughters and know that I want to be married to the stooge. Or at least to give it 100% of my effort.
IF I were inclined to address Step 3 with him (Ask for what I want), I could get 2 outcomes: he could agree to things or he could tell me flat out he's ready to file.
Past history has me scared as Janet Leigh in a shower. This tells me I'M not ready.
What's the answer? I will be soon. So I will agree to be patient for awhile longer until I can get some bonafide signs of his receptiveness to a R talk or until I just can't stand to be in limbo for another minute.
I'm not worried about doing anything rash. My overnight rule has really served me well. And doggone if I can't describe myself as a patient person now. As an Aries woman, we aren't known for our patience. I've now moved outside the box in regards to that adjective, and I think it's pretty amazing. GO ME!
On the other hand, I'm seriously thinking of getting a button made prior to my trip home. One that says, "Hi, my name is Betsey. Don't ask about K." (sort of like those name tags that say "Hi, I'm Mary, ask me about Herbalife."
So when they ask, I can just point to the button!
So yes, Mer, I'm looking to shake him up--hanging out in his comfort zone is no longer good for me, him, the girls or us. He's been hanging out there for quite some time now.
I guess I could always buy a cattle prod. Deb, Pattie or Zoo--have one you could lend me?
Triple J, after I am on the maintenance phase of my new eating lifestyle, you and I are going to go out and have some serious beers. I owe you big!
Hugs to all.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
