Really too late....

[lost18]

First and foremost may 2015 be your year for health, happiness and prosperity!!!

You too!

Your H is there with you. Everyday is an opportunity. I used Sandi's Rules as the guidelines for how to interact with my spouse. I suggest you do the same. It may help bring some clarity to your interactions with him.

I read them Sandi's rules often, some I'm doing well on, others I need more work. I think I will look at those and use those to set some new goals.

It seems that a major struggle for you is the OW and the R boundaries. How do your 180s align to R boundaries? AKA were you passive in the R and therefore being more active would be a 180?

We were doing something in the garage today, I saw him texting prior to us going out there and I had come in the house and when I went back outside he was texting again. I used that as an opportunity to reiterate my boundary. Didn't go exactly like I wanted tho. It went something like this

M: "I hope you aren't breaking the agreement we had about not texting or communicating with other people while we're home."
H: (smirk) "Is that what you think I'm doing."
M: "I don't know that you are doing that right now but I think you have."
H: "yes" and then we got sidetracked or interrupted and that was the end of it.

So, I guess I got my point across although not a firmly as I would have liked, don't know if he really cares. I will do my best to take Elsa's advice from now on and believe he is not texting OP.

As far as the 180's go I've been trying to figure that out, we've lived apart for 6 years so I'm really struggling with that. One of the big issues that I could really do some 180's with I can't right now because it would be pursuing. He felt like I wasn't attracted to him sexually, unfortunately he is not open to that at all.....

In regards to the OW. Focusing on yourself and detaching will give you more confidence, identity, focus. Once you live the change, others will be forced to deal with the new you and the sky is the limit.

I know this is true, still struggling with this big time. Thanks for support!