Really too late....

[mahhhty]

First and foremost may 2015 be your year for health, happiness and prosperity!!!

Your H is there with you. Everyday is an opportunity. I used Sandi's Rules as the guidelines for how to interact with my spouse. I suggest you do the same. It may help bring some clarity to your interactions with him.

Something else I tried to implement in my experience, when trying to understand the spouse's actions (and to keep my brain in check) was to think of everything in terms of ranges or possibilities. An example over the holiday, was when she said "You should come to my parents for Xmas because I think your nieces would really like to see you." So I would break this down to two parts; best case and worst case. Best case - she said that b/c she wants to see me. Worst case - someone in her family guilted her into saying that. This technique helps me not get carried away, and to think objectively (taking into account blinders and exceptions).

It seems that a major struggle for you is the OW and the R boundaries. How do your 180s align to R boundaries? AKA were you passive in the R and therefore being more active would be a 180?

In regards to the OW. Focusing on yourself and detaching will give you more confidence, identity, focus. Once you live the change, others will be forced to deal with the new you and the sky is the limit.