I agree with your posture. You have to know when it is time for you to do this. If it seems that time is now, then it is now. Part of the whole DRing process is regaining confidence in yourself and feeling and control of yourself for yourself. These are clearly boundaries you have set for yourself to be happy, not that LBS are selfish, but that there has been so much effort on LBS side that it can get one sided for too long.
I do think as long as you are doing this for yourself, you will be happy no matter the outcome. If the peripheral effect is that it wakes Mr.W out of his comfort zone and he chooses to work on the M, thats great. The tough love thing is really tough. However, I do think this whole thing is a PROCESS. Once the WAS is used to all the things going their way and they are in their comfort zone and they EXPECT these things, it makes it much harder for them to leave when given the tough love ultimatum. Like someone that needs their morning cup of coffee, when its not there, they freak out.
Do it for yourself if you feel that is what you want to do. Accept the consequenses of either direction and you will be happy with your decision. Sounds like you're detached to me.
