Mozza 1 - 2009 near-separation, search for explanations. Mozza 2 - OM confirmed through kids on Halloween, refocus on me rather than blaming W. Mozza 3 - OM confirmed by W in email, strollergate, W has problems at work, unexpected blind date. Mozza 4 - Lunch with W went well, reflections on being dumped, kids and OM Mozza 5 - W warms up but OM set to move in in January, W's birthday email Mozza 6 - To be nice or not to be, two trips make me feel better, office party video
My story After 9.5 years together, my W announced in early September 2014 that she wanted a separation. A week of pleading and begging didn't change a thing. She said she wanted to be free, alone, find her true self, that I was criticizing her too much, that we're incompatible, that she was unhappy and no longer in love with me and she didn't want to live with half-emotions. She had told me before of some of those complaints and that she was unhappy. We had not yet addressed everything, we would fight more than average, and I wasn't changing fast enough, so she was growing hopeless that things would improve.
A week after BD, she moved out. A month and a half later, she confirmed my suspicions that she was with a coworker, met at the new job she started a month before BD (after a year of job-seeking). A good listener, 10 years younger than me, better-looking and athletic, he'd been courting her from week 1 and was omnipresent throughout her move. He's moving in with her in January. Our two daughters know and like him and generally take the S in strides.
DBing I accept responsibility for what I did in the M, by being too critical and dismissive of my W's feelings, and I understand that my W was looking for something she wasn't finding in the M. I sometimes understand why she left, since she was miserable, and sometimes think leaving was too strong a reaction for the situation. I tend to blame her flight reflex and unrealistic expectations for love and family life.
My stance at the moment is to let her live her life while I reflect and try to focus on me. I keep the interactions to a minimum but cordial and about the kids. I'm good at being silent and distant. The "no pursuing" rule is easy to apply for me because it means doing nothing. I detach better with this distance. What I'm not so good at is acting normal and upbeat around her. I've recently been told that I act as a "wet noodle" with her because I'm too kind to her gestures, like banter emails and hugs. I see a therapist since BD. _________________________________________________
Success stories Feel free to make suggestions, especially with links to threads. I wish we had room in our profile to tell our story so that the vets and other successes could give us a quick summary.
