Do you want to fill the position of friend or husband? Anyone can be her friend, but only one can be her husband.
To be her BFF while she is involved with a third party will not cause her to be attracted to you in a romantic, sexual way. She will think of you ONLY as a friend.
Perhaps your coach meant to act in a friendly manner, much like how we act toward a nosey neighbor. We don't tell them our business or try to make out with them, we smile & wave and keep going.
There is a point and time that you can become more friendly, but that is after she ends things with OM. For now, you need to decide if you want to settle for being just friends, or do you want more?
Detaching does not mean physical distance. It does not mean being cold or acting mad. It is not pouting. Perhaps you need to read up on relationship detaching. It won't push her out the door. If anything, it will draw her closer.
Research about setting relationship boundaries. She has to respect your boundaries in order for a R to work. Right now, she does not respect you as a man. The worst thing you could do is to live in fear of her leaving. Fear will cause you to be a prisoner and freeze any action you need to take.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
