I think it's something everyone here have at some degree, in different ways, for different reasons: FEAR.
I too think about loving my H and never be able to share a life w/him again. After 18y there are so much that sometimes words are not necessary, it just the look and we know.
I also have this fear that no one will ever love me the way he did. And guess what, probably not, probably if there will be someone else, it will be a different love, but who knows, it can be even better.
I think that in general breaking up is one of the hardest thing. Death is final, divorce is eternal and painful.
You are doing great, considering all what you have been through. Keep you head up.
