May your new year be

[Ggrass]

Shiney and fresh.

I think this weeks just tough, long days away from home 11 hours each day. It's just the roster. Last day today.

Rubbish food I know isn't helping, thus pushing the spiral more. The negative thoughts are h, he was always scripting every one being bad dishonest etc, with him being the only honnest one. I know both xh and h will think what they think. Xh is a master manipulator and seems s17 has learned from his example well.

The fact he can tell xh, he never made threats he never laid a hand on me, when I was pushed onto the chain saw or when he has threatened to run me over. I am the one to whom things are done but somehow s17 needs to be protected from me, I'm the bad and nasty one.
S17 is fibbing to xh. He tells his dad the complete reverse of what is happening. I feel like I am being backed into a corner, with no right of reply.

My own mum would not have tolerated the behaviour that I get from s17, and yet she talks about how hard I am on him. She slapped me in the face across the table In front of her parents I was 16 for licking a knife, as it was bad manners.

Yet expecting s17 to be honnest and not harm other physically is just being too tough?
Expecting s17 to actually be looking for work is not ok, when he lies about it. Xh had to admit that s17 said dads driving me to business looking for work each week was a lie. Family are making huge excuses for s17.

The reason why all this seems to be triggering me, is h script.
The script he put on me, about being bad unworthy dishonest. Etc.
at least it's only being processed here and not being acted out.