Let's try this again

[Train]

The reason I'm asking is because I think a conversation that needs to be taken so seriously needs to REALLY be taken seriously, with little to no distractions.

I've noticed we can't really "endorse" - or even mention - other books here anymore. That's sad, because several align with most of the DB principles but focus more on the piecing stage (after busting the divorce). HNHN, which I've probably mentioned to you before, focuses on men's needs and women's needs. And how to affair-proof a marriage ... instead of "only" how to work on ourselves - and our Ms - when they're on the brink. In other words, it's more *proactive* about how to keep the M from hitting the brink in the first place. It's a GREAT accompaniment book to DB/DR for the piecing stage.

Anyway, point is: your best bet to get your H to meet your needs is to meet HIS. The problem is: The top two needs of most men is sex and admiration/adoration. Women - understandably - have a VERY hard time meeting those needs if their male spouses aren't meeting OUR top-two needs: affection and intimate conversation. Because we look at sex as an emotional experience, whereas most men literally need it *physically*. For that reason, it's preferable if the man leads the charge on meeting his W's needs of affection and intimate conversation. Because that makes her WANT to meet his needs of sex, adoration and admiration.

Does that make sense?

That's the talk you need to have with your H, IMO.

And then hope he's really still into piecing like you are.

If not? Then you're back to asking yourself if this is the man you want to be with.

Give him some wiggle-room, sure. But because he cheated, he MUST be willing to give you what you need to overcome this and create a more rock-solid M. If he isn't willing? Your M is still in trouble. It's hard enough to try to "piece" when the formerly-cheating spouse is going above and beyond to meet the X-LBS's needs. I speak from experience.

Thinking of you. And hoping you can really level with your H on this issue. Soon. You deserve it, sweetie.