Devastated Husband; Need Advice...Part 2

[Mozza]

I'll echo what Calibri, Toots and jim0987 said and go further: You did all of these things for yourself. Yes, you worked hard to support her and start a family, but you likely got a lot of pride and good feelings from it. Same for graduating and the likes. You did it because it gave you a purpose.

This will be key for you to understand her perspective:

You got a kick out of achieving things, now she wants to do it.

You know that saying about giving being better than receiving? You know that feeling of pride when you graduated? When you receive your paycheck? When you add a decoration to your uniform? When you get a pat in the back from a colleague that you helped? A friend that you saved?

Even you admit in your top post here that you did not tell her how much you admire her. Imagine your life without recognition? Being seen as "supported" by your hard working partner? Admired for her looks and no more?

So perhaps what your W is telling you, clumsily, is not that you didn't work hard, but that you were encouraged and recognized for all of it. Next time she broaches the topic, translate it in your head and it will be much easier to validate her.

(BTW, really listen to Calibri because she seems to have been on the receiving end of someone like you and will have a lot of truth darts to share with you. You're lucky she's around for you.)