Thanks Pink. It may just have been a touch of the Christmas blues for him. And yes, I'm not going to have expectations. I haven't really been thinking of him all that much the past couple of days.

Went out for lunch today with an old friend. Not seen her for a year or so, and we talked about my sitch. I was pretty calm, not tearful or angry. She said I seemed very strong about things - that I seem to have become a stronger person than I was before.

My best friend and her little boy are coming for lunch tomorrow - they haven't seen my new flat yet. And then on Tues, I start my new yoga class - first new GAL activity of the year (RD take note..)

Not much to report apart from this. Feeling pretty steady though.

Oh, apart from a fear that keeps popping into my head. I met H when I was 35. I was a bit shy and a bit of a late bloomer really. So, although I had boyfriends before H, they were all pretty short term - less than a year. So he has really been the 'one' for me. What if I can never get over him?

I know it's not very rational - of course I can get over him. But I just have this irrational fear of always loving him, but not being together again, and never really recovering.

Oh, and my other fear is - was I just bad at choosing someone?

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus