Crimson....piece by piece by piece......

[Heart14]

Wow, Crimson. So much of what you have said really resonates with me. You XWGF is very lucky to have you.

Individuals that suffered through enduring sexual abuse (in her case, exacerbated by rape) as I have read/learned/talked through in IC sometimes have a difficult time establishing intimate relationships or establishing physical intimacy. Hence, in a casual relationship with someone new passion is fairly easy because vulnerability is not even on the table at that point. You're mostly chemicals at that point. With me, the nature of the relationship is more personally connected and the physical component of that is where she struggles.

My H was molested by a family member as a child and he doesn't struggle with physical intimacy so much, but emotional intimacy is a real issue for us at times. The point you make about vulnerability is completely valid, IMO. I told H after we decided to work on our M that one of the hardest things for me was that he confided in OW about things he hadn't shared with me. His response was that it was easier to share with someone he didn't see a future with. This blew my mind originally. In a twisted way I get though. The abuse left a lot of emotional scars.

What happened to your partner is awful. My heart goes out to both of you. I hope with time and patience the intimacy will return.

So no, it's not 100% what I want it to be - but we are working on making things better. The things that happened to her were not her fault -- they contributed to the problems that ultimately up-ended our marriage - but the were not her fault. Trust me, I am the last person on the planet to make excuses for her - but as long as I know that her abuse/trauma is a factor in some of our problems, and I know she is working on those things pretty bravely - I am not going to bail out because everything I need is not there yet. I am content to give it more time. If anything, DB taught me a sh*tload about patience. I have it in me

My H told me about his trauma fairly early on in our relationship. I had no idea the way in which it would affect our marriage or him. Abuse can cause a lot of destruction when it's not dealt with. Your partner is so brave to decide to confront the past. And you are also brave for choosing to stand by her and support her through it. I haven't read your whole story. What I have seen has been incredibly inspirational though.