Aww, Barb, wow. Let me just say that I think in our world, it is very easy to admit others into the family, give them power you would Ashley or Brandon, and make allowances for them as such. I've had some experiences that lump into this category, though not yours.
D17 had a long time sitter who became my other daughter. She was and is awesome. She was her para in elementary school. It only became a problem years later, as my D20 became very close to her as well and she literally became the big sister. At that point, D17 quit responding to her as a caregiver and lumped her into the sister category - which created all sorts of behavioral issues.
Since then, I've really had to remember that they are employees of the family. You have also been a business owner, so I know you know how to categorize as such. Yes, they are trusted employees - because we know that nobody remotely untrustworthy is ever gonna be allowed to get close to Ryan.
My thoughts about L. You are her employer and the texts and odd behaviors are completely unprofessional. You bring her on trips to do a job. She's not Ashley, and you shouldn't have to hunt her a$$ down on the job. Ever. I know how hard it is to find capable people, Barb. I really do. But the barn door opened and the animals have left. I think it's time to find new caregivers and keep things strictly professional from here on out.
Believe me, this is a reminder to me as well. I'm going to be interviewing new caregivers for after school for March and beyond. I truly need to keep wearing my "employer" hat home.
After all, if you still owned your dance school or travel agency, would you ever put up with this crap? I can't see that. You're compassionate, but also practical and have a business mind.
BTW, if you do add shopping to the list of things you occasionally need done, put it in writing. It's a periodic job requirement to take Ryan out and shop with him, right? If they don't agree to what you need in a caregiver, then you have something specific to work with.
This is drama that you just don't need. Ever.
So, can Ashley go ahead of you to Florida? Catch up with her when you have things sorted out to your liking? I wish you were here. I'd help you.
If you truly are in a position where you need to keep either J or L, I'd include the agency and draw up expectations for a "performance review". No, they don't get to critique your performance because THEY are getting paid to do a job. If they are unwilling to perform duties you need, then let that be their decision to resign...
Hugs and good luck- Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
