Can I eat fish on Fridays during Lent?

[Underdog]

Well, thanks, but I'm not sure if life warrants a "GO ME" reply.

I don't have anything to report, really. Mr. W. returned the girls an hour after he said he would be by, but I really didn't mind. The weather has been downright gorgeous, so I took the newspaper outside and enjoyed basking in the heat for awhile until they returned.

When his car pulled into the driveway, I was greeted by 3 people waving--2 of them frantically. He dropped off their stuff, told me he had washed all the clothes and then commented, "Well, off to grill steaks with the gang!"

Okay, I'm not feeling resentful of that--I had 2 nights and days to myself to regroup. I know how important that is. But there was an underlying anger and resentment that I was feeling, and it wanted to come out in full force.

I ended up taking D7 on a walk and to the park just to tell myself to get a grip (I fantasize about filing when I'm feeling this way).

He phoned this morning and asked how this afternoon will work--I had to explain twice that I'm leading the girl scout meeting and will bring D10 home afterward. Then I'll get dressed for the gym. They can eat dinner so he can drive her to gymnastics (she's now in advanced class!).

He called me with Bob... but it was all I could do to keep myself from getting pissed at his seeming density. I didn't lose a nice tone with him, but I knew if I didn't hang up I would.

Mike, please don't take responsibility for this! I know we discussed stuff that really bugged us, and if I had been able to have the time to pull out the Pirates of Carribbean disk so I could morph his face into a skeleton, I would have! I'm jealous that I didn't come up with that idea...

However, one sick note on the revenge front. A good friend of mine is going through a breakup as well (though he is not married). His STBXGF is being a bitch and he was venting via IM while I was cooking dinner.... he asked me ways I could advise him to get even!

1. Write notes to himself or her using her good lipstick.
2. Pee on the floor, making sure to spray the toilet.
3. Leave the toilet seat up.
4. Turn the toilet paper the opposite way that she likes.
5. Hide her sanitary equipment in the garage.
6. Use the toilet paper and put the extra rolls out of reach.
7. Use her wash cloth in the shower to wipe his butt, and leave skid marks.
8. Use her expensive facial cleansers to scrub the sink.
9. Collect all the hair that she leaves on the floor and deposit it in her sink.
10. Blame it all on his cat!

I think there was a really good one but I forgot it in the heat of the moment. He felt better after we itemized them and so did I--though I made him promise to keep the list as our little secret and not do any of them!

I'm feeling supremely pissed off right now. There goes Mr. Wonderful back to his single life, pretending that we have no problems, that he has no problem and that he has no responsibilities.

THIS SUCKS!

[Lyrael]

(Tiptoeing cautiously in to set down a bucket of chum and moving a safe distance away...)
Here, Bets - eat this - it's not fish! Well, not live fish, anyway.

Sounds like you had a rough weekend, PMA-wise, anyway - I'm glad you didn't eat fish. Do you know WHY this sudden swell of anger/resentment? My anger doesn't usually go away until I know what started it, so I always have to go back to the source.
Hugs,
Myrrh

[karen812]

UD,
Mr. W is DB'ing YOU!!!

Sounds like you have a case of:
All I want is everything. (Is that a problem?)
*stolen from big dogs.

Please express your anger/resentment here. I agree w/Myrrh
that you don't quite know what it is from.

hagd!
karen

[pandamoses]

Bets,

Ah so THATS what I did to chase my wife away... thanks alot!!

[Meredith]

Well, whatever DB bug was going around this weekend seems to be hitting us all.

I'm feeling supremely pissed off right now. There goes Mr. Wonderful back to his single life, pretending that we have no problems, that he has no problem and that he has no responsibilities.

Ah yes, until of course, it SUITS him to have aforementioned responsibilities at which time he'll act like he's going for the father of the year award. I know this feeling. I live this feeling. I HATE this feeling.

Okay - that sucks. It sucks, sucks, SUCKS. Say it really loud and throw a stapler across the room. If you succeed in not taking anyone out in the process...it is a sign that you should go on with your DBing. If you do take someone out in the process...it is a sign that you need to work on your stapler throwing techniques. Either way, it's good for the frustration !

Seriously...as much as it sucks, sucks, SUCKS...what can you REALLY do about this? Besides, of course, hopping on a plane and coming out for a my-PMA-was-shot-to-hell weekend?

Could you...tell MW that you're hanging by a thread to your rope and you need his help for a couple days? Could you...blow off work and head to the spa for a facial one day this week? Could you...call some good friends (GOOD ones mind you, not nasty, selfish ones like mine) and go out for a night on the town?

What would make YOU feel better? IF it is something MW can help out with, I'd suggest asking him specifically for what you want. See where it takes you...

And Myrrh had a point...do you know what spurred this all-too-familiar attitude? You didn't read the Watermelon book, did you????

We love you, lady!! We're right here behind you!

AND...you do deserve a GO YOU!!!! :grin

[Underdog]

Okay, I've been thinking about what Myrrh and Karen have suggested. It might take me a few posts and some digesting to get to the bottom of this, though.

On the surface, it seems as though I need some WOA. But it actually goes deeper than this.

I think I need an R talk... some direction or indicator that this damn chapter is going to end!

I'm sick to death of being stuck reading the same dumb book over and over--and the worse part is that Mr. Wonderful ripped off the back third of the book so I can't read it through.

I'm left re-reading this same crap over and over, and have deduced a zillion different twists, but knowing that the story has 2 possible endings: we live happily ever after, or we get the bittersweet goodbye.

It's been nearly 15 months since he moved out. And it's been nearly 19 since we had any semblance of a M (no sex or conversation). I know I've given myself permission to end this on Mother's Day, and somehow the waiting still doesn't seem fair to me... Mer, yes, I'm really swallowing the pill on fair and right right now.

But where is the line crossed? It HAS to cross at some point.

I hope Mike reads this with a positive slant! We spent a lot of time in the restaurant dissecting everything. And oddly enough, it was fun! I enjoyed laughing with another person--particularly a man. (Oh, and did I mention that he's really handsome?) I realized that although I'm not ready to get out there and date, I'm getting ready.

And when this leftover weight (from birthing my adorable D7) is gone--thank you Slim4Life--I'm going to be in a position to do so!

I want to date! Is this unreasonable? It's been a really long time since I had any interesting male company where there was a hint of sexual attraction and the feeling of "maybe this will lead to something".

I'm lonely and sick of waiting for him to decide if I'm the one.

[Lyrael]

I enjoyed laughing with another person--particularly a man.

I think it's kind of natural to be wanting male company, Bets -- it has been a LONG time for you since all this started, and you are a young, attractive, vivacious lady.

(Oh, and did I mention that he's really handsome?)

Oh, really? Like coupon handsome?

I realized that although I'm not ready to get out there and date, I'm getting ready.

But this isn't causing the negative emotion - the lack of real enjoyable male companionship (especially from the person who is supposed to provide it) IS?

I want to date! Is this unreasonable? It's been a really long time since I had any interesting male company where there was a hint of sexual attraction and the feeling of "maybe this will lead to something".

That is not at all unreasonable. You're alive, aren't you? I missed it, too, and I was only without my H for 6 months!

I'm lonely and sick of waiting for him to decide if I'm the one.

So it sounds like you're going to be asking yourself the BIG QUESTION - is this M worth it to you, or do you feel like it's time to start picking up the pieces and walk away? Only you can answer that biggie, Bets, and the closer you get to May (16th this year?), the more often you are going to ask that. Remeber, that's YOUR deadline, and if you want to move it up, nothing says you can't. The only thing stopping you from filing is YOU. Just food for thought.

I hope none of that come off offensively.
Hugs!
Myrrh

[MovinOn]

Oh, Betsey!!! {{{{{}}}}}
I'm in the same boat as you. It SUCKS !!!!! Who in the he// are they to waltz around without a care in the world, no responsibilites ?

You may have hit the reason we are ready to eat fish. We need a relationship talk . I know I have avoided it like the plague. It seems to me, that we deserve to know if we are staying or going.

Interesting that we have given ourselves "deadlines". Could it be that the deadlines are what are "fueling our fire?"

[Lyrael]

Pattie and Bets -
This has been my question to myself ever since who knows when.

Do you really take H?

Because darn it, I guess we can't ever really change them. We can ask, but if they don't pull through, we can either accept them and their crap, or just walk away. I can deal with my H as he is, or walk away.

It SUCKS, and it's not fair, and I wish I had some prettier way to say it, but I am really feeling convinced of this particular thing right now, especially since my H spent a good part of the weekend just really pissing me off (excuse my language if anyone's offended.) My H hasn't even a clue - he isn't in touch with his feelings, and doesn't have the tools for change ( the BIGGIE? SELF-AWARENESS). He just can't do what I want him to right now. He can't, and no amount of pleading or screaming will budge that. He is H, for better or for worse.

Sorry for thinking out loud again,
Myrrh

[holdingon]

Betsey,
Do you mean you want to have an R talk with a sane, rational, human being? Or, do you want to have an R talk with your alien, Bob, occasionally there H? Having just had an R talk with my still alien H, I must say very little was gleaned from the conversation... except for him to tell me how "happy" he is... something I did not need to hear, oh, and the ever present "if we D" conversation.

Do you really expect him to say ANYTHING different from what he has said in the past??? And if he wanted to, wouldn't he? If you want validation that this sucks, well, it does.

Interesting that we have given ourselves "deadlines". Could it be that the deadlines are what are "fueling our fire?"

I wonder about this. Of course, a deadline is fine... but what does it really mean to you? Sanity? or now desperation?

Yes, I found myself praying for some insight to the end of my sitch, too. But the reality is I've invested a lot of time here... and still I have no answers. Our timelines are so out-of-synch with theirs, it is excrutiating...

Yes, it would be fair to have an R talk... but think about what you want from it and what are the chances you will actually get it? If you are wanting to give an ultimatum, well, you will have to be ready for either outcome there, too.

We ALL want wonderful, loving companionship... and in reality, we all want it with our H's. It sucks, sucks, sucks.

Can you use this waiting time??? Can you use it as a resting time, a rejuvenating time? Can you "move on" in your head? Can you put your R away for now?

If you truly feel you have given both H and the R all the time allotted, that is up to you, the big question. Maybe instead of an R talk, a list of "where I am" might be better. Only you know.

My H appeared yesterday... and I am plagued with questions.. why is he so calm, thoughtful, nice? And if he is going to be those things does is mean he is on the way back or content with his decision to be on the way out for good? But those thoughts just lead to craziness. Better to appreciate the real H being there, and not drunk and agitated like he was a few months ago.

Hang in there, Bruce.