Can someone please explain to me how it is that I'm looking forward to being single and in a more manageable environment, that most of my memories of him are negative and lonely, and yet I'm feeling weepy and upset? I WANT to let go. I DON'T want this marriage back. And yet there are huge lumps in my throat and chest, I haven't eaten, and I'm struggling to push him out of my mind? What is my body telling me that I won't hear.
I've been there, done that, so I have some thoughts on this. I think that, even once we realize that the marriage was no good, that we can be happier on our own, that our spouses are not good for us, there is still much left to grieve. The future we envisioned. The people we thought our WASs were. The family life we wanted. Whether it was delusional or not, we all envisioned a wonderful, loving marriage and a happy family, living happily ever after, right? And that has all been ripped out from under us. And yes, it probably is better this way than to stay married to that person, but it is NOT better than what we had imagined or expected. And it takes some time to grieve that.
I am way over my XH at this point. Yet I still get angry or upset at times. Like when I had to hand my children over to him for New Year's Eve. The first time I did not ring in the New Year with my kids since they were born. It hurts. And while I don't want anything to do with my XH and don't want to be with HIM, it is sometimes hard to be single. Sometimes I wish that I wasn't a single parent doing it all on my own, even though doing it all on my own is easier than it was when XH was here and everything was stressful and tense.
I think that a part of us will always grieve the loss of what we thought we had, or hoped we would have. But as time goes on, and you live your own lives and find your own happiness without your Xs, that part will get smaller and smaller. So, when you feel sad and weepy, lean into it. Feel it. Then let it go, appreciate what you do have in the here and now, and savor the anticipation of what might be around the corner for you.
Divorce is just a piece of paper. To me, it was a relief because our divorce was very contentious and difficult, so it was good to have it over with. But it did nothing for my emotional healing - that's something you just have to go through to get to the other side.
Hang in there, ladies. One day you will surprise yourselves with how things have turned around. ((hugs))
me: 44 XH: 42 M 11 years D10 and S8 Bomb drop 9/27/13 D final 7/1/14
