Hope everyone had a happy new year. I know "happy" is a relative term for many right now, but despite everything, the turn of the year always brings me some hope.
Things "look" better on my front. W and I have been closer the last few days. She still does this weird thing where she's fine for a while but then crashes. No more cruel spew, but she still talks about feeling "lost". She's no longer insisting on meeting OM.
Her rhetoric seems to be more focused on her own guilt. She's wondering aloud why I still love her, worries about if or when I throw in the towel if she can't get her s*** together. I did say this weekend that I'd hate to see her piss away everything she has in front of her chasing this fantasy OM. I did let her know in no uncertain terms that while I was not giving up yet, that I have a finite amount of lifespan I'm willing to burn. She acknowledged for the first time last night that she's done enough that she wonders why I don't hate her.
MC picks back up on Monday.
The weird irony is that as things seem to be thawing between us, I'm dealing with my own WAS impulses. Right now I'm the one questioning whether this M really fits any more. I always want what I can't have? I don't know. I did a lot of STFU the last few months and maybe I'm just working that built-up resentment out of my system.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
