Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

Day #20...

Had a call with DB coach Chuck. Echoed what 25 said...

Time to make interactions with W actually friendly.

Time to be the better me... compassionate to someone who is hurting.

Time to put my feelings and needs on the shelf if I'm to do this.

Time to remember 25's empathy lesson... my W is scared, hurt, lonely, and angry.

She was all those things at the beginning of this when I was working hard to be empathetic even while I was angry and hurt. We had some great talks where I actually listened. The only difference now is what I know... and that some of what she said and wrote in those nice communications was painfully far from the truth. Maybe all of it. That's a big difference.

But there really is nothing else to do. If I keep making her feel punished and sh!tty every time she's near me or has to deal with me... then I won't get where I want to go ever.

I'm not sure where that line between being confidently firm and punishing is yet. I see though that it is my attitude making the difference.

So, instead of acting any one way... I'll again look at my W compassionately as a hurt and scared and angry but good woman who sees her chance at a good life slipping away and go from there.

Nothing to lose there.