New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[Faith2b]

And this was awesome...GAL ON!!

Ok,

I have been reading your sitch.

I would like to congratulate you on your long sobriety, and please do not negate this. It acknowledges all the work that you, your sponsors and higher power have done to get you to this space with two healthy functioning children. Know this and it will strengthen your soul and spirit as your higher power is not denied by you. Just say thank you Vanilla and all of the board members for acknowledging this, as yes, this has been an enormous challenge.

Let us discuss the most important step of all, the movement from step 2 to step 3. The release of self to the higher power, the loss of judgement and the acceptance of love. The channeling of the higher power as a conduit. I would ask you how far you have embraced this step as to do so means losing all judgement of others. If we have done so then we do not use bad descriptions of others. We do not have that right not because we are less than or insignificant but because that higher power does not permit it and we are connected to that power and so we have automatically excluded this completely from our lives. We do not judge nor try to control others, we let them be who they are, to find their own path. Doing this is the biggest release of all, our higher power guides us and allows us detachment. In working the 12 steps you have a great advantage and gift in your life.

If you read my thread you will know my H is compulsive and I work my own steps and it is very hard. There is the fellowship and the 12 steps these are the two forces of a compulsive program. You will also know how important I believe this to be for the loved one of a compulsive.

I evaluate judgement and the need for control in your writing, the desire to do X to get Y result. I invite you to discuss if this is correct and if so if this extends to your S and W.
For example do you send texts because you want to send them for the best motives without expectation of results? Do you buy presents, cards etc because that is what you wish? Do you want your two sets of kids to react because that is what they want for themselves, individually or separately?

Is there something else involved instead?

Did W ever go to Al Anon? I ask because being a compulsive is not just about managing the compulsion but all of the environment around it, and having knowledge at home of the struggle assists in creating a full recovery environment.

These are of course my own personal views as your issues are determined and also effected by your compulsion which is for life. I have observed that compulsives don't survive the early board posts on this site as they wish to resolve their M without dealing with their compulsion. This is not your position which I applaude and admire.

I hope you have stillness with your thoughts
Vanilla