Card29 IX - New Year, New Card

[Card29]

Wonka, a couple quick responses before I shut down:

- I don't believe I have glossed over my porn problem or the damage it has done. i have admitted repeatedly to what I did and to the damage it did to her. I just got the sense tonight that people were telling me "you did that, get over yourself for her sleeping with someone else". i responded defensively, for better or worse

- I do need to readjust my thoughts with WAW and her fog. Since I thought she was not in an A this whole time, I figured she had come out of it by now and she just was where she was. I forgot to rethink the fog once she revealed the A. It explains so much about the last 6 months

- and yes, I do love WAW. But at this point it is ILYBNILWY. I want the best for her. I'll never harbor hate for her. But I also want the best for me, and I dont know if that's with her. In my view, our vows are broken. Which is why I don't feel obligated to her. Does that mean I cant choose to enter new vows with her? Of course not. But I feel like she's not even my W anymore, and I need to get to a calm, steady place to make an independent decision. There is also the matter of her not wanting to be M to me, which she told me as recently as 1 week ago (yes, fog, I know)

Thanks for your thoughts, Wonka. I always appreciate them