The real crux of this discussion is your self-righteous indignation. Therein lies the problem.
We all get that you're reeling from the news of W's XOM revelation and grappling with a whole host of emotions that are churning inside. This is a DB where many posters have WASes with OM/OW and have successfully reconciled. The most important step in this process is setting aside your pride and bruised ego.
Sex and porn are two vastly different things. I sense that you're trying to gloss over the severity of the porn issue in your M by making so-called comparisons to W having pre-marital and being sexually adventurous in the early stages of your relationship. I am not too sure if you really get how your W was affected by your porn addiction. It seems to me that you're being a bit too defensive about the porn issue and being dismissive of the erosive effects of porn on your W.
Now on to the matter of XOM, what your W said to you about making a long-term R with him is the fogged thought process of a spouse in an A. This is precisely why DB hammers the "believe only half of what they say...." philosophy around here because we all know that people who are in A's don't think rationally because they're high on dopamine.
You could well use some time to step back and regain your center. Your W is still the woman you love. Right now, she is in a withdrawal stage which will be filled with fits and starts as she detoxes the XOM from her system. At this crucial stage, it is the "for better or worse" in your M vows. Your patience will be tested to the limits. This is a crucial time for you to shine by showing your W unconditional love.
