Card29 IX - New Year, New Card

[Calibri]

The main reason I don't think I could stay married to her is that she is so so broken. She has SO much work to do on herself before she is ready to build a stable M. She didn't seem willing or capable to do that, and hasn't in a long time. I do love her and want her to be happy, but she has cheated on me, I no longer feel obligated to stand by her, and I don't know if I want to risk the next decade of my life waiting on her to get herself together. I cant fix her.

^^^^ I have a puzzled look on my face. Who made you The Lord High Executioner??

Have you discounted the huge role your porn played in the disconnect your own M?

Have you completely disregarded GoatGal's eloquent explanation as the wife in a porn-filled M and its effects on her?

If I am reading you right, you're so willing to discard W in less than 24-hours of the A discovery, BUT expect your W to stay in a marriage with you where she feels "used" and devalued as a person by you?

I don't understand your thinking at all.

You have some serious perspective adjustment to do here, Card.

I'm sorry, but what? Have to agree with Wonka here. Now that the tables are turned, how indeed are you the high executioner?

If having a PA is your line in the sand (it is for me in my relationship), then I can understand. But this whole "she's broken, she cheated on me, I no longer feel OBLIGATED to stand beside her!?!?" And then you go on to point out the self loathing, shame, and medication.

Wow, it seems like you've hoisted yourself up onto a pretty high pillar there. How's the view looking down on her?

She stood beside you in a M with porn, despite feeling devalued and used. She had an affair, and now that the shoe is on the other foot, you could never lay with her again?

I don't get it, I really don't. I understand it's not a tit for tat situation. But I would urge you to yes, get screened for STD's but to really take a look at the whole picture and how you both contributed to the situation your M is in, not just from the perspective gained in the last 24 hours.


I am truly sorry to hear this revelation. I know it has to be hard. But take a step back man.