Continuing DBing...

[PeterV2]

So I sent W a text on Tuesday

Me: I'm a little worried about you. You didn't come home last night. You Ok?

W: Hello. Hope you and the Bubbas (cats) are well

M: Bubbas are fine

W: I'll call in a couple of days. Weather is good.

M: Where are you?

W: I'm tired. Getting better. Florida.

M: Thanks. Would have been nice to know. I was worried. Enjoy.

W: Did not mean to, sorry. I'm good.

M: I'm relieved that you're ok.

W: K

Then later on in the day I got a phone call but didn't get to the phone in time - went to message, no message.

So I called W. Apparently it wasn't her who called, but still we talked for a while. She's just going to sleep a lot for a couple of days. Still recuperating from the flu. But she was friendly and relaxed. She explained that after her hair appointment yesterday she went to a friend's place and then straight to the airport.

I was supposed to be home around 4pm but I had been delayed and didn't get back until 8:30 so I guess we may have seen each other before she left if I wasn't so late.

I did send her a text when I was leaving at 2:30 so I would have been nice if she had sent me a text from the airport saying sorry I missed you.

So the question is, how do I express that I want better communication so I'm not left in the dark. I think it's only fair that she at least sends me a text saying, "at the airport, on my way to FL. See you when I return. We'll talk later - I'll call you when I land..." or something to that effect. I think it's only common courtesy.

Of course only 12 months ago she was lying to me and sleeping with another man, so I guess this is progress. The Affair ended in May I believe. But she's got a big hole to climb out of still.

She has no idea how hard this past year has been on me, and if I bring it up she dismisses it, saying she's been dealing with this pain for 10 years. She's just spewing and I don't take it personally. She's obviously got some issues to deal with personally. I'll support her in her quest for finding herself, but I still need to draw the line when it comes to how she treats me.

If it looks like I'm making excuses for her, it's just that I'm trying to see things from her perspective - trying to be more empathetic. I'm trying to figure out her worldview by how she interacts with me. I'm no mind reader, but I can see that she has a lot of guilt and shame attached to her behaviour a year ago and that she tries to mitigate it using justifications and making me the scapegoat. I really should call her on that when she does it. I know it would end up by her getting angry, defensive and blaming me more, but as long as I keep a clear head and don't allow myself to get dragged into a grudge match I could prevail. Not that it's a contest, but when we get into relationship discussions it often ends in tears: mine, hers or both.

Last night I was playing a New Years gig with my band - rocking it out. W sent me a text at midnight wishing me a Happy New Year full of wonder, peace, love and prosperity. That is good (as long as the wonder isn't wondering where she is).

Today she phoned me to tell me she was going to the beach with her friend's wife and won't take her phone so I don't worry if I get no response from any text I may send. That was good of her.

I told her that I trusted her completely and that it's only because I care for her that I worry if I don't know where she is because strange stuff can happen.

She said she'll call again on Saturday. I am a relieved that she took it well and that I stated that I trusted her in a non-pursuing way.

I do get thoughts running through my brain that I don't want to live in this sitch much longer, but then I snap out of it, realizing that this is indeed a marathon - an awful long one at that. Ei!