Inbetween Land

[Faith2b]

I am in this position that Im not concerned if this db will even work. I am here to change my way of thinking because I have to be a person of solution not of repeating old patterns of hurt and more hurt. I do not want my kids to fall prey to my short comes and if they do they need to know their is a solution. I am not scared just trusting the process. I want my family all together but I understand why this is the time I need to work on me. It takes two for a marriage but sometimes thats not enough. You as an individual have to be strong. Because weathering the storm can only mean one thing someone must be so rooted that when this storm passes your in tact. The roots may have loosened but that only comes wit the storm and after making it out you can then work together to piece everything back together Im working on the DB goals and thinking hard on how I see, hear taste and touch whats not evident at this point.

[Faith2b]

Need to be assured Im on the right path can someone help?


Just feeling this is such a stretch am I following well?

[Maybell]

Faith, you are on the right path.

Here's something I posted to someone else a couple of months ago and I think the time is right for you to see it too:

If your only reason for being here is to "Save My Marriage" you will be stuck in the same place a year, 2 years, forever. Lay down the save my marriage banner and pick up the one that says "Save Me"

If you're here to improve yourself, get rid of some old baggage and are open to the process you just might create a new life for yourself. It may or may not include your spouse but that might no matter.

...

The thing I'm coming to realize is that, the marriage being dead is a more thorough state of affairs than I credited before. If we come back together then it will truly be from the beginning. I can't "pick up" from where we are, because of my hurt about the affair, him leaving, and my resentment of the last however many years. For me to be re attracted to him we're going to have to start over and get to know each other as though we're new to one another. (Beginner's mind!) For that to happen, I'm first going to have to let go all the way.

I'm not there, but that's what I'm aiming for. I don't think any reconciliation can succeed otherwise, and I need it to survive in the now too. This, I think, is the meaning of Cadet's favorite quote about embracing the brutal truth of your situation while maintaining faith that you will prevail. ("You are already dead.")

Hope this helps.

[happy1]

Faith:
I am reposting this post written by you so you can re-read it.

This whole thing keeps on reinforcing to me that I need to fight for taking care of myself. I want to sit here and blame him for upsetting me but hey I putr myself in this position. I have to get myself out of it. I know exactly what i want and it does not depend on anyones actions but my own. He will not miss the bus this time. Im not being cocky what I mean is the terms have changed the goal to have a family is no longer weighing on me or his actions. I have prayed alot and I have realized that Im only a vessel. Our families are only given to us and we must fight for them. How you say?? By being the best darn me!! Lets get the GAL on!!!

GAL on.

[Faith2b]

Lol. Thank you ladies so much. I'm so inspired by the love on this forum. I can't express how it has emensily rewarded me in such a short time. I need direction I asked God and it was given. I read the forum on wisdom from vets. And an important part is choice vs need. I'm choosing. That is my choice is GAL. I cannot change anything but me. I have also rerealized that I have past the "tests" with flying colors thus far. Not because of my ego but because I'm letting go of my own ideas on how to fix us. Geesh how much I miss him and wanna help him. Thats a funny thing from me because I was the one always in need of him. Kids work every commitment I placed before the most important priority. I can admit that and now move forward. He asked me "do I love him?" I didn't respond but guess what I sure didn't need to because shortly after. I once again showed him love by putting my own feelings aside when I told him to take the kids with ow. I really have no choice in them being around her but fundamentally I trust he wouldn't let my children to be placed in harms way. I consider this me putting on my big panties!!! GAL on!

[Faith2b]

Waiting for this night to be over...I just want the day to be over. Miss my kiddos. This is gonna be a long weekend. I hope this time without us talking will give him time to think. I keep on second guessing myself. I haven't called him but I'm wondering if this really will have an effect on him. I feel I am making selfless decisions and I'm not used to this. I'm trying something new putting my "rights" to the side so that exh can do what he feels is right.

[Faith2b]

I'm not sure if thsee actions are needed. I mean how can I put my own beliefs to the side for something I feel is wrong. Ie having my kids around ow and even being with someone else when we just broke up not even 2 months ago? I need some help ugh. Thoughts I'm all over the place.

[Maybell]

I don't know if this will help, but I took a nap and felt LOADS better. If you know what you need to do but are having trouble doing it, how about a round of self-care and see how you feel?

[Faith2b]

Thanks Maybell,

I did just that I slept ok last night. I woke up prepared for anything.

And upon arriving to work EXH texted that he no longer would be able to help me move. I was prepared that this would happen. Im going to take a step back though and not let this take me on a tail spin. He also texted he would be on his wayto the house to pick up the last of his belongings. I told him that their was not much left of his their. He said he didnt agree but that he would leave it be. I didnt argue anything he said. I asked if he would take the kids to babysitting. He said "No" He woke up trying to say anything that might upset me but at this point their is not much left for him and I to fight about. I REFUSE TO FIGHT WITH HIM IN HIS STATE OF MIND. Im determined to keep my peace regardles of his MLC at this point it makes more and more sense that he is really spinning. He is on a roller coaster that I am not getting on to ride. God will take care of me.


I also woke up listening to Beyonce's song Independant woman lol. Im getting my feet backand Im loving it. Well this day is not over and I already know the fire is yet to come. I feel prepared though. I am changed I will not allow anyone especially someone I love to over step my boundaries. That is the boundry line will not be crossed just because his mind is all over the place. I will respond in love. I will respond in kindness and with peace because that were I am headed. I have to focus on me. He does not have my best interest at hand but God does. GAL ON!!!!

[Faith2b]

I am extremely upset...my ex basically told me that he still wants to kiss, hug, cuddle and have sex and thats why he has been avoiding me. He has OW and this is why we cant do this. I AGREE!!! What are everyones thought???? Im highly upset because I feel like he is treating me like the other woman. Like as if I am some whore to have sex with then go back to the OW Im highly pissed and I want to lose my top can someone advice me on how to handle this???? Fast please I dont wanna call him with out knowing the best way to respond.