Married fast? Too late? Completely stuck :/

[Mozza]

DB says: no letter. No words, only action. No "write-a-letter-and-THEN-speak-with-your-actions". If she opens up just a little (probably a polite "I miss you") and you ram through the opening with this kind of all-out charge, good luck seeing her open up any further. You have to show her that it's not risky for her to open up.

This letter is actually an excellent guide for you. I found in it plenty of actions for you to take.

- SHOW that you feel better about everything. Be pleasant and in a good mood around her.

- VALIDATE when she tells you about the shortcomings of your relationships. However, don't add the nuances that you then make in your letter. Read the Validation thread for inspiration.

- DON'T TALK about OM. Don't ask her if she's cheating on you because she won't suddenly tell you the truth. Also, you feed what you emphasize, and you don't want to feed this topic between the two of you.

- CREATE BOUNDARIES regarding truth. I'm not very knowledgeable about this, but you'll see other sitches where this is discussed.

- TELL HER (this is an exception to the actions-only principle!!) when the need arises that you don't want S but that you won't stand in her way.

Seeing your letter, there will be many things on the tip of your tongue and, given that you haven't read either books, I'm concerned that you will slip and unload all that you really want to tell her. Hopefully, you'll remember that none of this will help you. Otherwise, if the experience on this board is a guide, you'll be back here regretting your words...

Good luck.