So 25, to put a fairly blunt point on it - she was molested by the woman her mom was in a relationship with while she was still with her dad. This went on for quite awhile and her mom was either complicit or clueless -- either way, it was bad. Her mom was with that woman for many, many years and the abuse began with she was right around 4. The woman would verbally abuse her, she and her mom would team up and tell her sister that she (XWGF) was evil...a liar...all sorts of stuff. The psychological abuse lasted all the way through high school - after the sexual abuse ended. Then, after the sexual abuse ended, she was raped at the age of 14 by someone she knew in high school. Things got pretty bad.
She is working through all of this in IC right now and taking it on for the first time in her life. Individuals that suffered through enduring sexual abuse (in her case, exacerbated by rape) as I have read/learned/talked through in IC sometimes have a difficult time establishing intimate relationships or establishing physical intimacy. Hence, in a casual relationship with someone new passion is fairly easy because vulnerability is not even on the table at that point. You're mostly chemicals at that point. With me, the nature of the relationship is more personally connected and the physical component of that is where she struggles.
It is getting better. I actually went with her to her IC two days ago - things are improving - but the IC has said that her story is the saddest that she has ever heard (childhood abuse/neglect). Furthermore, she WANTS it to get better - I can sense that she is really trying to get past her struggle.
So no, it's not 100% what I want it to be - but we are working on making things better. The things that happened to her were not her fault -- they contributed to the problems that ultimately up-ended our marriage - but the were not her fault. Trust me, I am the last person on the planet to make excuses for her - but as long as I know that her abuse/trauma is a factor in some of our problems, and I know she is working on those things pretty bravely - I am not going to bail out because everything I need is not there yet. I am content to give it more time. If anything, DB taught me a sh*tload about patience. I have it in me.
25, how in the blue hell would I find you in the real world? Trust me when I say my web forensic skills and overall online hunting prowess are much, much stronger that average (you learn a lot working for a data company!) -- but to date you have laid not a single bread crumb that is traceable!
