High school sweethearts, married 20 years Since about 2010 knew " something wasn't right" with H. Became moody and very different personality. Started buying lots of motorized toys, having an EA with our friend/neighbor. In late 2012 told me he wasn't sure our marriage was going to work- said he was " deprioritized" and I wasn't meeting his needs. I do have a very demanding job and was building a new practice during all this so I tried to change as much as I could and work on things that I knew were issues ( including a somewhat SSM for years). Nothing I did seemed to be enough. Then in Sept 2013 he told me he was seeking out a divorce. I was shocked. Despite all our issues- I didn't expect him to do that. Found DB/DR 3 days later and realized this is MLC. He moved out Oct 1 and filed Oct 10.
Moved back in Jan 2014 because he was suicidal. Got on AD, going to IC but still not sure about relationship. Moved back out early May saying he just felt he needed to move forward with the divorce in order to get through everything he needs to deal with. Dec of 2014, a year and a few months after first filing for D and two days before our 21st anniversary, he sent me full D papers with terms very different than we had discussed. We are now in the process of redoing those terms and I am trying to move forward as best I can.
So today I'm feeling a bit confused and upset. I got a text a few days ago from our friend/neighbor ( the former EA, our kids are best friends) about coming over this Fri night for adult game night. It was formed in the manner of a group text but sent only to me- I wondered if I had been an afterthought or she was just keeping rings separate. I said I would go- no need to be a hermit- and she and her husband are doing well and all involved realized they were wrong to become so close. I figured H and other mutual friends might be invited too but didn't think much about it. So today H called about some other things he asked if I was going to the game night. When I said I was planning on it he said good. Seemed genuine. Then he asked if the kids could all hang out at my house and I said that would be fine. After I hung up I felt sad and out of sorts though. My brain stated wandering..... Maybe she did invite me as an afterthought and checked with him to be sure it was ok. Maybe I shouldn't go and just hang with the kids. But my nanny and her fiancé are going and I don't want to look like the gilted chic who snubs them all. Uggh this is so freaking complicated!! This group of friends isn't totally going away for either of us but it makes me feel like I want to crawl in a hole. Part of it I know is that I haven't fully worked through the pain of the EA. And I know that her H had issues with my H for awhile for the same reason but all of us are intertwined between work, living location and kids so making the best of it is necessary.
I guess I'll just see how I feel. Getting it out in written form helps me feel a little better. I'm singing in the lifeboat damm!t!!!
Me 41 H 40 M 20 T 23 S 19,16, 8 D 13 BD1 dec 2012 not sure going to work BD2 sep 2013 seeking a D Filed oct 2013, D Feb 2015 Life is about daring greatly, about being in the arena- Brene Brown
