Can someone please explain to me how it is that I'm looking forward to being single and in a more manageable environment, that most of my memories of him are negative and lonely, and yet I'm feeling weepy and upset? I WANT to let go. I DON'T want this marriage back. And yet there are huge lumps in my throat and chest, I haven't eaten, and I'm struggling to push him out of my mind? What is my body telling me that I won't hear?
I think this is pretty normal, Maybell. I posted something similar the other day that as much as I feel like I'm done I still cry every time I tell someone we are S. It's just out of my comfort zone and for me there's still some judgment there. I recognize the attitude I've had towards divorced people all these years and it wasn't kind. Now I'm judging myself and it hurts. It's tough to let go of all that.
I would suggest you ask yourself what are you afraid of and really drill down to the simplest terms. That usually does the trick for me. I'm afraid of the judgment and social stigma of my social circle. What are you afraid of?
BTW so far my fear hasn't played out. I told a friend of mine just a few days ago and his reply was that if I was ok with it then he was happy for me and that some men just couldn't deal with a strong, independent, intelligent woman. I'll bet your monster under the bed turns out to be a dust bunny Mabel. You can handle it.
