Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

Hello rd500, Starsky, TLEE86, and Vanilla. Thank you so much for the support. I felt like I was fair and brief and businesslike. I hope she sticks with her agreement and I am prepared in case she does not.

Just saw her as she dropped of S11. I did much better... prepared on the elevator ride down. Came out with a smile. Kept the PMA. Stayed more relaxed... not completely but much better. Did not really greet her or say good bye as she looked very tense and stressed and hurried off. Less than 30 seconds. She had that look in her eyes which I see is different than the W that I knew.

On that point... she sent me a picture the other day... she and S11 ran into an old acquaintance of ours. They took a picture together and sent it to me. She had that strange tense look in her eyes and that's when I noticed it. Her eyes are hard and she looks different like she's aged a lot. But then another acquaintance of mine who I ran into said I looked 15 years older too. Oh well.

...

For these first 3 months... I came out of blissful denial into anger... pushed too hard with my boundaries... pursued with my yelling a few days ago... but also really conquered some fear and pain to take some very hard actions for me. I've relaxed to much for 3 weeks and now finally getting back to GAL and self growth. I'm also in therapy and on antidepressants.

My plan is to check in with myself in 3 months on how I'm progressing here... my growth and where my M is.

My goals for 3 months are to learn to tango, workout at least 2x per week, run at least 15 miles per week, save at least $4000, make at least $2000 from side business, make at least 1 better 2 therapy session per week, put in a full day's work everyday, and plan a spring break trip for me and S11.

For my M... I'm going to consistently be neighborly and PMA around W.

Though I want an R... W is looking very unattractive to me right now. I am committed to 6 months of standing... but I do think of filing D now every few days. I will go see another lawyer in the next couple weeks about custody, alimony, and the fault clauses here on adultery.

Even so, I would like to find a way to get me and my son out of this city, so I know I should cooperate with W. So I will work on myself, being, looking, dressing, acting, working, living better. While getting better... I'll check on W to see how her life is treating her.

I have a DB Coach call with Chuck tomorrow. I didn't follow his advice to meet for Christmas... and 25 also talked about spending time with her. We'll see if there's anything more I can do now to maybe smooth things out with her in a way that I can successfully do.

Part of me, though, knows she's someone who only really respects leadership. A leader in my position wouldn't be waiting for her. He would leave her behind, live, not give her much of a chance to R, and D her. Right now she knows I'm standing... just realized I'm still wearing my ring. Now it's off. Let's see how that feels for a while.

In six months, I want to have a new car, a new little home of my own for me and S11 near his school, money in the bank, new wardrobe, and a new permanent confident and happy attitude about my life.

I image 3 rocking chairs on a porch. I'll sit out there with S11 on warm evenings. He'll be reading his comics and I'll have an iced green tea and an inspirational book to learn from. If W can and wants to join us in our happy home... there's a chair for her too. If not... I won't have any trouble finding a lovely wonderful woman to sit with me. I can feel the warm breeze on my face now.

I'll be there soon enough.

Onward.