Card29 VIII

[Old Dog]

New year, new information, new attitude.

You're on a roll Card. You can handle it.

[Card29]

Mozza, you are dead on the nail about the breakup explaining her crappy behavior a couple of weeks ago. Treated me and our realtor like crap, and she slept for like 14 hours a day for those few days

[Card29]

Thanks, OldDog. I do believe I can handle this. I do believe I can forgive her. I don't know if I could ever lay down next to her again, but that's not for me to figure out today. Today I'm going snowboarding for the first time this year

[Vapo]

Dude, we are almost BD brothers (my bd was 6/8/14) and I am watching your developments daily (along with sending of positive energy and thoughts). I also, for the first time after the BD am beginning to question, weather I would even like my W back. I mean, she has done so much against me and now my eyes are opening to the fact that my M was not ok either. I was not happy in my M, and I see that now, and somewhere along the way I forgot about me in the relationship, my needs, my wants, I was too busy fixing things for her. Well, no more, my turn now!

[Card29]

There you go, Vapo. I still do believe almost all of our M's are limitlessly salvageable, if both parties are willing. To this point, WAW was the unwilling one. It might be both of us now. I'm not going to spend too much deep thought on it right now. I've learned quite a bit about processing pain over the last few months, and I know I need time more than anything

[Mozza]

It's probably just curiosity but how did the call happen? Was it a Happy New Year call and then she brought it up? Was it a long call full of explanations or a short announcement? Did you call or did she call? I find the timing really strange. In any case, it ended 2014 on these boards à la Top Gear: "And on this bombshell..."

[Card29]

lol, Mozza

Well a few days ago I texted her that I was ready to talk about what we're doing going forward, that I had processed a lot in a few days, etc. last night she texted if I wanted to talk then. I said no, not tonight. She said she wanted to "clear the air". So I went off to a bedroom and called her. We talked for maybe 15 minutes. She told me, I asked her a few questions. She answered everything. Was she honest? Who knows. We texted a little afterwards with more questions.

Oh and today she is still trying to balance out the guilt by bringing up my failures (porn, sleeping on the couch). I'm not buying it. ive owned my mistakes, I have forgiven myself, I am doing everything I can to make sure I don't commit them again, in any future R. That said, NOTHING I did warranted her sleeping with another man for 7 months, including while she was still intimate with me.

My response to her was much shorter than that, btw. I gave her a sarcastic "Yeah, they basically cancel out". I don't want to fight with her, though, so I will avoid passive aggressive stuff like that going forward

[Mozza]

So that's why your porn consumption was cheating a few weeks ago! She was setting up the stage for this conversation. Unless she had made clear all these years that porn is cheating? I know some people are like this, but considering that porn is the #1 content seen on the web, it's more likely that most people don't see it as such. I'd be very very surprised that your W herself has never watched it over all these years, especially if your sex life was limited.

All of this to say that you have the right attitude to take a little distance now that things are clearer, but also new. She's apparently trying to be excused for her behavior and silence is likely to be your strongest reply.

[Maybell]

Mozza, really? I've tried a couple of times -- it's so gross and dehumanizing! Why would you assume women enjoy it if we aren't getting sex?

I don't want to be a prude, but yeah, it's a kind of cheating. I could tell in bed when my H had spent time with it because the sex was unsatisfying and impersonal. Blech.

[Card29]

I think she felt like it was kind of cheating, but nothing close to actually being intimate with someone else. I mean, she knew I struggled with porn for the first 4 years together. She would be mad for a few days then would be okay. She would not have done that had I been having sex with other women. im not excusing my porn behavior. But it is apples and oranges.

The worst thought of everything is that she had sex with me a couple days after she did with him. So freaking disgusting. I feel like I should get checked for an STD