Happy New Year everyone, hope you guys had a good time celebrating the New Year last night. Unfortunately, I was so tired from work that I didn't make it to midnight but thats ok.
It's been a couple days since I finally had the $ talk with W. Things have been...tense...the past few days after that convo but I know it was necessary...For a long time we have been very friendly and having daily interactions, and I didn't want to rock the boat but I couldn't continue to fund her adventures while she continues to stay at OM apartment...it just...makes zero sense.
Now she is actively and seems to actually be trying to look for her own apt. Since she's left, she's always wanted to get her own place, but now that I've told her I wont support her financially as long as she stays at OM place, its pushing her to look much harder because she won't have $ anymore.
This is a really tricky situation because as you guys are reading this...my boundary is essentially: "If you stay at OM place, I won't support you financially. If you get your own place, I am willing to help you out."
Here's the thing as I have mentioned already. The Army REQUIRES me to give her $. Technically even if she stays at OM place, I am supposed to give her $. But I won't, because again, it makes no sense.
Also, W does not have the $ or credit to sustain her own place. She does not make very much $, and has "young credit (she's only 24)" and won't get approved anywhere. If she really is to get her own place, I am fairly certain I have to help in some way.
Obviously, the ultimate goal is that as long as she is not actively working on the M, she receives no financial help. But right now I feel that getting her out of OM place is a better option than cutting her off completely, and forcing her to stay at OM apt because she has no $ to go anywhere else...
Idk, I struggle with this. Thoughts? What do you think is the best option, helping her get her own place (about an hour away from OM apt), or cutting her off completely and forcing her to stay at OM apt because she doesn't have the $ or credit to get her own?
-----------
Something else that bothers me, I think a lot of WAS do this, but my W likes to threaten me with D when things don't go her way. When she first left, every time she would get mad, shed threaten D and when she calmed down, she stopped threatening it. We haven't mentioned D since week 2 of this, but all of a sudden when I tell her I won't help her $ wise anymore, she starts to say "oh well then i might as well file for D because then you won't have to worry about $ anymore." And I ask her if thats what she really wants to do, and she says no, but it seems like it would help you out.
All she's doing is trying to guilt trip me. And all I say back is "you know i don't want to divorce you, from the bottom of my heart i don't. But if thats what you want to do, I won't stand in your way."
Because its true. I don't want a D. But I don't think she is actually wanting to file, but threatening me with D is the only thing she "has over me."
Just irritating. If you're gonna threaten me with it, then put your $ where your mouth is. Otherwise, shut up. --------
One last thought for the morning. I was thinking about this in the shower yesterday. But since when did H/W's start thinking it is ok to be with other people, whether EA ,PA or both, when they are still married. Like when did that become a thing? So many stories on here, where WAS are in an active on-going A, but still expect their LBS to be a good person to them? Something is seriously wrong with that logic...
My Course of Action for now? Let the dust settle again. W is actively looking for her own apt, but I need to back off again and let things calm down. I have a feeling that in a week or so, things will be "normal" again between us. Also re-read 37rules and select parts of DB. Continue 180s. Work is going to seriously pick up again next week so enjoying the downtime i have now. Thanks for reading ya'll
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
