Here's something I posted to someone else a couple of months ago and I think the time is right for you to see it too:
Quote:
If your only reason for being here is to "Save My Marriage" you will be stuck in the same place a year, 2 years, forever. Lay down the save my marriage banner and pick up the one that says "Save Me"
If you're here to improve yourself, get rid of some old baggage and are open to the process you just might create a new life for yourself. It may or may not include your spouse but that might no matter.
...
The thing I'm coming to realize is that, the marriage being dead is a more thorough state of affairs than I credited before. If we come back together then it will truly be from the beginning. I can't "pick up" from where we are, because of my hurt about the affair, him leaving, and my resentment of the last however many years. For me to be re attracted to him we're going to have to start over and get to know each other as though we're new to one another. (Beginner's mind!) For that to happen, I'm first going to have to let go all the way.
I'm not there, but that's what I'm aiming for. I don't think any reconciliation can succeed otherwise, and I need it to survive in the now too. This, I think, is the meaning of Cadet's favorite quote about embracing the brutal truth of your situation while maintaining faith that you will prevail. ("You are already dead.")
Hope this helps.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
