I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

I woke up feeling hopeful this morning. That's a good sign and a good way to start the New Year. I ended up going over to a friend's house and hung out with some old friends who have always been the best friends of my life. They are closely connected to H--we met through them--but ever since H and I had gotten together he had let his side of the relationship slip and never wanted to spend time with them as a couple. So even though I kept in touch with them, I was always alone when I would get together with them.

It was so much fun. My kids wanted to hang back with the cousins so they didn't come along. Because of that I only had a little bit of wine, and champagne, then water and tea so I could drive back to my parents--if they came along we would have just spent the night there. It couldn't have worked out more perfectly. I had a great time, got home late, but not too late considering it was New Years Eve, I have no hangover (that is the worst part of New Years, I think, starting it with a hangover). And I got to connect to old friends with an expectation that this could be my life once I am no longer burdened by H's strange avoidance of people who are connected to both of us.

I can move out here to be closer to all of the people that really care about me and not have to be dependent on the friends he made who I realize think of me as an outsider rather than someone worth getting to know. he really is just so weird. Why didn't I see it before.

Two of the women there were divorced. I remember the pain of their divorces although I wasn't around much while they were going through it. And they were both so happy. They both said the worst part was the part I am in right now, but then life gets better than ever.

I am ready for that. I am ready for better than ever. So I am ready to move on--but I am going to continue to learn the skills I get from DBing.