Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

Happy New Year everyone. Thank you for the kind words of support and the heavy 2x4s.

3 months into this journey, I wanted to write about my outlook for this new year and my M.

I know this year will be a good one for me. It must be.

I don't know about my M and that's what it is. Learning to live with that.

And the learning starts right away...

Text from W wakes me at 5:30 this morning... "I cannot afford x% of the tuition and taxes. That number does not seem fair. I cannot find a good home for S11 and pay this much. We need to talk."

She goes on to say I make much more money and have lower expenses in the condo. She has big student loan debt which she'll likely have to start paying soon. She says we need to see a mediator or find a way to talk and settle on things.

I try to go back to sleep.

I wake to a new year thinking how funny this will be to me one day.

I remember 25 telling me it is not my job to teach lessons. That is life's job. I remember to be polite and professional.

I reply... "Hello W. Happy New Year. Understand your concern on the plan you agreed to yesterday and I know you want to be fair..."

Went on to explain the number I suggested is the ratio of our monthly incomes we've always used for everything (since we've always used only a joint account). Said, unfortunately, the IRS uses that ratio to determine how much tax we both pay monthly. Said, believe state shared custody law also uses the ratio outside of other variable expenses.

Closed with... "Understand this is hard. Of course if you want a mediator you should hire one."

Ten minutes later a reply... "Happy New Year. Ok if that's the right amount then that's what I'll have to honor. Have you consulted an attorney?"

She goes on to ask if I need her to disconnect utilities and what remains to be packed.

She closes with... "I feel so sad HP."

I reply... "OK thank you W." I say I will disconnect utilities. I ask her to please give S11 the truck keys when she drops him here later today. I thank her again.

Half an hour later she replies. Says she will leave keys in the house, some packing specifics, and asks what time will the moving truck come on Sunday.

I let her know the time.

She says OK.

...

With her current monthly income, she may not be able to afford a really nice place and a nice car like she's used to without help or a new job. If she can't defer her student loans again (she has for years) she could be negative with the taxes and tuition on top of that. That's outside of daily expenses.

Even so... I think she can do it. She's a smart go getter and I would be proud of her if she got a new job and made it work. We'll see.

She's had a few panic attacks since I enforced my I won't live in an open marriage boundary. But she recovers back to her determined self. I'm sure she'll be that next I see her.

I did not acknowledge her lawyer question or that she was sad.

That's my first accomplishment this new year. Did I do OK?

Looks like a nice day. I'll go for a drive and a run.

Onward.