This post collects thought and responses from a few threads. Mostly so I can have everything in one place to read...thanks for bearing with this clean up post.
My post summary: I would like to break the cycle as it seems H = D & Me = P. It has been years since I have had to P to save him from walking but I do not want to have to go thru this again. Right now: I am looking for a new job/out of work, have a 1 year old that rises at 4:30-5:00am, a house under construction, and had a terrible 2 years of miscarriages, family illness and lost a baby.
I might be too tired to P someone who: -says he should have never married (to me) -says he should have never had children (with me) -does not want to have more children -thinks I am not naturally nice to him -says I talk meanly to him -has depressions -is overly sensitive and is described by others as a difficult person -b/c I am not nice, and does not want me to get pregnant, and is worried about his performance has withheld sex from me...we have had sex 3 times since August. I have had to beg for it.
But if I do not P, will the relationship fall apart?
Questions > Answers to my post
Quote:
From Job: You do realize that he's going to point the finger at you for everything? Notice he's certainly not pointing it at himself.
A head turner question for me. As in: wow, yes, now I notice. And he is very passive-aggressive, not a manipulator
Quote:
From KML: Why did YOU choose someone that was so ambivalent about the relationship? What part of YOU thinks you don't deserve someone who worships you and wants to be with you?
I have to think about this more. H says he does everything to make me happy and I guess I took this as worship, wants to be with me. But he is fed up with having to make me happy and making everything about me, and he has nothing, gets to make no decision except when to go the bathroom and when we have sex. So it is back to me being the issue (according to him). I am conflicted on his feelings that all he does is for/about me and his unhappiness.
Quote:
From Job: Work on the things that he's pointed out, if they are true
Things that are true: -I do tend to turn conversations into arguments -Have to think of other things that are true
Quote:
All:Let go of the rope with H and just trust that if he is MEANT to come back into your life, if he is WORTHY, he will eventually start to pursue you.
-So I dropped the rope and whoaaa this does not feel good.
Details: H came home tonight, much to my surprise. I did not think he would come home. He came home and we did not exchange words, let alone eye contact.
He concentrated on DD, which is our usual night routine. While we did a few things with DD together, which is normal, we did not speak or look at each other, or at least I did not look at him. I forgot the DB rule to make eye contact, but right now am so hurt, I cannot make eye contact with out getting more angry or cry. We both seem to be very careful not to bring negativity to DD which is important to us both (his brother is in a nasty divorce and we see how the kids are suffering)
I did remember to get away, which I told him I was going out and would be back later. I went to the gym and stayed longer than usual.
When I got home he had some clothes packed at the door. I did not flinch when he rushed to get his coat on and get out the door. We did the pass by in the kitchen and as he left, he asked "Do you want me here in the morning?" I said "ummm sure." And he asked for a time. He did not seem angry. I am proud of myself for not asking where he is staying let alone start begging, etc: which is what I would normally do.
He probably is relieved to be away from me.
Note: I hate this. Note: Good quotes I heard today
"Today is the start to a new book and you have 365 pages to fill: What will you write? Make it a good story"
