Hi everyone,
I waited a day to post about my meeting with W and lawyers to calm down. I am so pissed right now. Seems like my lawyer was worthless, didn't even advise me properly on changes in the D laws in my state. Seems that I have no right to recoup the money my W spent in her replay year that was from my retirement account. Nor am I able to recoup the money we had to spend on lawyers and repaying her student loans. Even though if she had payed them or made arrangements it would have been thousands of $'s less. I wasn't able to make arrangements as we weren't M when she got the loans and she "couldn't handle the stress". My L told me that I was able to get those funds back. W's L pointed out that due to a new state law, even though the retirement money was mine alone when we brought it into the M because it was used to pay for expenses like clothes and food and D's school, I can't get any of it back. The new law also exempted student loans! Even though they weren't mine. So, here I was unprepared. That was $80,000 that W got and I got zero! Now I have to pay her to keep my house even though she spent all that money in her replay for crap she didn't need and left me with a negative balance in our checking accounts. The amount is offset by the amount of her retirements but then again, it doesn't account for all those that I cashed in over the years but I purposely didn't cash in hers. I got nothing for the antiques, nothing at all and I also have to give up my computer! I got totally screwed. I really hate my W's new "all about her" attitude. I also have to pay for 1/2 of my D15's health ins. and school lunches but I don't mind that. I just want to be sure that her numbers are accurate.

I need to have access to a computer after hours in my new job and really can't afford a new one. It's a 4 year old laptop that is outdated and the battery doesn't hold a charge. The ONLY reason she wants it is because I wouldn't give it up when she demanded it from me when she came for her stuff. I was stupid enough to sign a Rule 11 allowing this at my L's suggestion. I think the biggest problem I had was I was unprepared except for the things that my L told me were reimbursable but weren't and I felt exposed and at a big disadvantage. Now that I have had time to think about things I would like to makes changes but I don't know if I can and my L is off for New Year's.

I need to just think about my last test and starting my new job. I am angry at W, at my L at myself for not being ready and signing that I will pay my W much more than I should have. I got zero for the antiques, student loans, my retirement. For the years of crap she caused me and my girls because she was in MLC. The D laws in my state are ridiculous and one sided. My W is going to be rewarded for what she did to end her own family. It is just so unfair.

I really don't think that I will ever be able to forgive my W's attitude, her lying, her constant telling me that she agreed to do things one way and then "changed her mind" after I let her take certain things and do things like put my D15 in school near her but 30 miles from me. In the meeting she said "It's only 11 miles farther than her old school" like 44 miles a day when I have her, having to be late for work when she's with me is NOTHING. I wanted to wipe the smirk off her face so badly when she said it. She would NEVER have agreed to do the same. I think she is such an ass now. Such a worthless person. Just last night my D15 called me upset AGAIN because her mother wouldn't take the time to take her to do something special with a friend and knows I would and had to ask me. She doesn't care about anything but herself and what she wants. I really don't think she will ever change. She has become exactly the kind of person I have the least respect for. The type of person who doesn't care about their family, acts like a teenager when they are middle aged, blames their own problems and shortcomings on others, takes no responsibility for their own actions, justifies bad behavior on made up crap that never happened and even if it did, doesn't justify what they have done and are doing. Yes, she is in crisis but that doesn't justify it all either.

I wish she would just go away and take her journey and leave my D's and I alone. Just go and relive her teen years with her daddy and just stay away. I am sure that the worst is yet to come. When my FIL dies, when D15 starts to act out more towards her. They are already at odds what will happen when I can no longer do as much for D15 when W refuses? I have been able to be there for her, to do things for her that W refuses to do but that will change when I start my new job. So, when I can't take up that slack how will my D15 react?

I really don't want to be worrying about these things right now. All I wanted to do was get my new life started but W couldn't wait, once again had to have HER way. I need to take my mind off this stuff and put it back on just that, getting my life going in the right direction. Why is it W can get away with having to pay so little for her own mess and I'm once again left with her mess? Doesn't matter in the end. All I can do is try as best as I can to put all of this behind me. Do what I can for my D's and me. W is on her own just like she said was what she wanted. I really don't care at this point if she finds her "joy" or not. In fact, to be honest, after all the pain and problems and stress she has put me through, I hope she doesn't find it. I know that isn't a heathy attitude to have but it is how I feel. Maybe with time I will be able to mellow that attitude. As my life becomes less stressful and more under control I will be able to find more compassion than I feel right now. I guess time will tell.

Happy New Year everyone. I am so grateful for all of my friends here and I wish you all the best in 2015!!