barely holding on - 6

[u-turn]

Sorry about that.
I have been waiting this out with the hope that W will see the light. ALWAYS thinking (even knowing) that this WILL happen. No matter what self improvements that I did and am doing, no matter what steps I have taken to be a better person, she never really had any complaints about me in the first place. So I never really knew what I was up against.

So were the changes in vain? no, I know I have faults and still do. I know she is not alone in this.

But with NO improvement in our situation, a full retreat back to the day I found out in March and no apparent plan to do any better, I have to be real that it just is not going to happen. W is gone.

The pain is STILL over the loss of my marriage to W - and it sounds sappy, but this is something that I have always valued more than anything. And really it might be from seeing my W become a person that I cannot be married to because of a change in her values. Someone that could do this to another person. I thought I was done with all of these feelings.

I have thought through what it would be like without her - and can do it and I will be great.

But I still do not want to give up too early.
But she has made her decision.

That's the mess that's going on up there.