Busting a Move - LisaB Ch6

[Mozza]

Maybe I behaved in ways that subtly pushed him out the door. Maybe I wasn't 100% committed myself. Maybe I didn't do my best. No not maybe, definitely. (...) Maybe I WANTED HIM TO LEAVE. Maybe it was my decision. Maybe I purposely wasn't the best I could be. Maybe I was not happy with him.

This is just about what my IC is telling me. He thinks I was pushing W away because I was not happy with her and that I was not able to leave the R because of some principles. I've to say that I still fight this idea, because despite my annoyances at my W (and there was a peak before she left) I always felt in love with her, that we were married for good and I was happy about it.

I'm impressed that you came to this conclusion by yourself. It seems to be a perspective that applies to a lot of people around here, as we realized how badly we treated our spouses before they left us. Was it a way for all of us to get WAS to leave us? It's a very difficult idea to accept when you're lovelorn.

On a related note, I often think of myself as the wiser of the two, who sees through this whole sitch better than my W, who understands her better than she does because I've this narrative of the sitch and reconciliation in my head. But sometimes I'm thinking: maybe she's wiser than me, maybe she realized that we were not compatible and had the courage to do what I wouldn't do and leave.

Another thing I realized is that part of me wants my W back so that we can break up "properly". It was done very quickly and under a lot of lies (there was a secret OM), so we never had the true discussion about our compatibility and future together. I feel like the piecing stage would be an opportunity for us to work on M, not excluding deciding jointly to go our separate ways. In a way, I'm upset that she made a unilateral decision. Is this what I want her back?

I'm not sharing all this to say that I don't want my M back. I'm just sharing to show that in the constant storm of thoughts and analysis, a lot of those unexpected perspectives can surface now and then.