I think I'm done

[mustardseed]

Thank you, BarelyFloating. I really do need to let go of the fact that there is nothing I can do about his friendships and the best I can do is be someone only a fool would leave.

I am feeling a little bit more normal now, although I feel like I look like crap. I want to go back to being that hotty I was over the summer. I need to start exercising again and I'll start tracking my food again to make sure I don't put all of the weight I lost back on.

I realized that once I saw my kids--first time since Monday--everything stopped spinning and I felt like I could breathe again. I'm still down in the dumps but trying to climb out. When he dropped the kids off he came in to say hello to my family. I wasn't here but I'm glad he did that. Maybe I can do this. Maybe a separation is all we need to reset.

I need to go back to giving my marriage back to God, trusting it will all be ok, and then stop focusing on it so much.

I got a Melody Beatty "CoDependency No More" workbook. I have a bunch of her books, but I wanted something that would give me a road map of work to do to work through the steps.

I'm still very much focusing on step one. I am admitting to myself that that I am powerless over others--and that my life has become unmanageable.

Deep breath. Still a lot of work to do. I plan on going forward with the separation although I am absolutely terrified. No expectations.