Busting this Divorce - 90 Days NC #3

[HPoirot]

Journaling...

Getting more used to this now. Woke up thinking "This is what's best for me. Life is good." Used stop thoughts to control my thinking. Slept late. Happy New Year.

Yesterday I texted my W the moving plan to get the furniture out of our old rental house where she is staying. I will come Friday to finish packing. She won't be there. Movers come Sunday to take everything to storage. She will pay her part of everything. Very business like.

After a long while, she replies back that she is stressed with packing and money and cannot help pay for with the move. She needs to buy a car and get an apartment. She asks if I can please pay for the entire move. She also says we need to talk about the car. Suggests I can buy her out of our car as it is paid for. She also asks if I can please pay S11's 2 months outstanding tuition for the month. She finally asks if she can expect some of the security deposit from the old rental to help her get a new place. Made mention that.... "Your expenses are very little since you're in the condo, right?" Repeats that she is stressed.

I go to sleep.

This morning, I reply... "W, understand you're stressed and I'm sure you want to be fair. Here's what we can do..." I tell her the trade in value for our car, repairs needed, amount I've spent on my own, and offer her $400 (generous). I tell her we can apply the $400 to her portion of the move and storage. She can continue to pay her part for storage going forward. I tell her I paid 1 month tuition payment as agreed, reminded her to use her end of year bonus to pay the outstanding 2 months as agreed, and that she would pay her portion of the monthly tuition going forward as agreed. Also said her portion of the security deposit, less than half, is of course hers. I ask, "How does that sound to you?"

As I'm about to send the text, calls me. I let it go to VM.

She then calls S11. S11 says mom wants to talk.

I take the phone and say... "Hey W. Listen... I've just sent you a ext answering your questions. Please don't call me on S11's phone. I'm sure you agree it's not fair to S11?"

She agrees.

"OK... Then send me a text or a VM when you want to reach me and I will get back to you when I can. OK? Thanks W." Hang up.

I did speak a little fast from irritation. Getting better at that.

She text replies later... "That is fair."

She then wanted to know when she could pick up S11... Does 10am work? I had said 4pm before. I said I wanted to do something with S11 after work. 3pm then? She said, it's her day and she would like him at 10am. I said he'll be ready at 10.

I also then texted her to please put the car insurance in my name and I will take her off the plan. No answer on that yet.

S11 didn't like leaving at 10am at all. I said... "I know son. Talk about that with your mom" and sent him down the elevator.

So getting better at answering. Only felt a little emotional. Did not give her a break on money. When S11 gets back, I'll get her car keys. No big deal.

I've read it's not good talk on the phone in LRT/Consequences stage as I proved with the terrible screaming R talk last time. She knows I'm just ignoring her calls, though, which I don't feel is very strong action from me long term. This is maybe the 6th time I've told her just leave me a VM or text but she keeps poking b/c I don't respond fast enough for her. She'll get used to it.

Will start real GAL next week then. Crossfit and Tango lessons.

Onward.