Card29 VIII

[labug]

What do you think of my sudden change in heart? It's not that I don't want the M to reconcile the WAW. I am just so suddenly at peace with the sitch, it has shocked me. I thought it would take months to get here. What do you think of me theory that I had processed most of it over the last 6 months, all that was left was acceptance?

Hi, just saw this and will share what I think-this isn't a linear process. We usually revisit each of the stages several times but each time it gets easier to move forward.

Enjoy where you are right now, today, in this moment. What's that saying? Accept the past, enjoy the present, embrace the future. My addition to that would be, without judgment.

Best!

[Card29]

labug, thanks for stopping by. That is exactly where I am. The only thing I'm wary of is falling too quickly for S's friend, especially since she hasn't even expressed interest outside of a drunken state (neither have I, for the record). I don't think infatuation with a new woman is what I need at the moment.

[labug]

So does this bring clarity to how quickly a spouse might fall into the affair trap?

Or is this tit for tat?

Or wanting to make up for something missing in you.

You listed many reasons not to get involved with someone at this time. Heed them.

[uRworthy]

Freddy, we all walk this in our own way. I do agree with my friend, Labug, though, in that we go through the stages and back around and through again.

Having said that, I have seen where something happens, like the talk you had with your wife at Christmas, and it sometimes affects us like a switch has been turned off.

Here's the thing. There is no shortcut through this. And you dont want there to be. Each and every step is important in order to come through the other side whole.

Perhaps you have come to a place of acceptance of what is. That isnt a bad thing at all.

Im thinking that you having spent time with your sister's friend and having seen some things about her which you find attractive has allowed you to let go some more.

I will say this. I have been here a long time. I have seen people get involved with others way before they are ready. Most of the time, it doesnt end well.

You have plenty of time for all of that, Freddy. Trust this process.

You are right where you are supposed to be. Go with it.

[Card29]

[Card29]

I talked to one of the guys in the office about everything today, told him I'm finally at peace with what is happening, even though I don't want it to. I told him about S's friend. He said I should get on eharmony and started dating and hooking up wit as many people as possible. It reminded me how different we are lol. I am definitely not going that route. He did have some wise advice when I told him I'm not interested in "hooking up" with S's friend, but rather think she could be someone Id want to be serious with. He said steer clear for now if that's what I want with her, that she's not ready at all for that if she's just out of a 5 year R.

[uRworthy]

Freddy, you know what the right thing to do is. I know it all sounds attractive..thinking about seeing this woman and all. But the truth is that neither of you are ready for that now. Leave it go for the time being.

Finish your stuff. Let her finish hers. If in the future it is meant to be, it will be.

You keep working on you.

Wishing you a wonderful new year, sweetie...filled with peace and the knowledge that you are right where you are supposed to be.

[labug]

You're getting great support from uR, stick with it.

I wanted to explain this a bit more:

So does this bring clarity to how quickly a spouse might fall into the affair trap?

I don't say that to give anyone a free pass on choices made. I do however think it opens us up to learn more about us. We start making excuses for why it would be OK to get into this R knowing full well it may not be the right time or the right person. At the same time we can't understand how the WA could ever do that.

But it feels. so. good, that scratching of the itch. Those brain chemicals work on everyone.

Good luck, you can do this.

[Card29]

I think God flipped the switch in my heart a few days ago. I believe that now. Because if one week sooner I heard the news I just now got, I may have jumped off of a bridge. I just spoke with WAW. She has been in an affair for 7 months with a married man. He ended it two weeks ago. She confessed everything to me. He was from her MBA program

Right now I'm kind of stunned and numb.

[Card29]

I'm stunned at how textbook she has been:

- 7 year itch CHECK (1 day after 7 yr anniversary)
- BD was immediately after her international seminar trip to Paris. Everyone said she must have started an A there. CHECK Her A started physically there
- affair lasts ~6 months CHECK
- when she told me she was going to date in Oct, you guys said she was probably trying to let me down easy CHECK