Hey Toots, glad to hear you had such positive interactions for the holidays. Even small steps in the right direction are still steps in the right direction. Keep at it and good luck!!
M: 43 W: 43 Married 6 yrs. T: 7 yrs. Son 20, 18, 17, 15 yrs. (w/ Autism), 12, 10
Felt in a reflective mood this morning. Last day of this year, and boy what a year it has been! Searing, painful, but at times peaceful and generous too. Not all bad by any means. I feel I have come quite a way since BD, and that feels good.
After H's XW (and SS) visited yesterday, she texted me to say thanks - that there is a lot of love in my life here, and she enjoyed being part of it for a little while. It made me realise that I am lucky right now - and that I don't always appreciate my parents enough!
It was dark when I made a coffee this morning. I lit a couple of tealights & put them on the windowsill - one for me and one for H. Just to wish us both well in our journeys this coming year..
Last edited by Toots; 12/31/1402:18 PM.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Well, I don't feel very peaceful now, I'm feeling a bit cross! Not that anything has happened today - other than I read an old post by Rob X - setting boundaries, and I just felt cross about everything. I thought - I should be doing this! So - up and down etc..
Pink - a very happy new year to you, and I truly wish you all the very, very best for 2015. This has been such a tough year for us - and hopefully good things lie just around the corner.
XX
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Just received a happy new year text from H. Interesting.....I had decided I wouldn't send one, having sent an Xmas message. I'll reply, but I'm leaving it for a bit.
He definitely seems to be reaching out a bit more. I'm not sure of the status with OW, but I think he may not have found the Xmas period easy....
A big happy new year to my lovely DB friends. I don't know what I would have done without you this year. I'm hoping 2015 will be a good one for us!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Can I suggest something? Instead of replying with a text can I suggest a pic instead? I don't know what your plans are but may I suggest replying to H with a selfie clearly showing you in lots of make-up/hair done/party dress with a caption that reads "to a new year full of happiness and new experiences, muah Toots"
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
So glad your H is reaching out to you. It could be that things are not going so well w/OW. Like the statistic says, most affairs end very fast.
Besides, he is also getting to know this side of you. He probably expected you to have a b***h fit and bother him, instead you are moving on and is doing well without him. As much as we think they just forgot us, I don't think it is the case. Your H thinks about you, and probably wonders how life would be if he comes back to the M.
Hope things start getting a new direction this year. Be cautious, don't have any expectations so it doesn't hurt. "I should be giving myself this advice".
Thanks Pink. It may just have been a touch of the Christmas blues for him. And yes, I'm not going to have expectations. I haven't really been thinking of him all that much the past couple of days.
Went out for lunch today with an old friend. Not seen her for a year or so, and we talked about my sitch. I was pretty calm, not tearful or angry. She said I seemed very strong about things - that I seem to have become a stronger person than I was before.
My best friend and her little boy are coming for lunch tomorrow - they haven't seen my new flat yet. And then on Tues, I start my new yoga class - first new GAL activity of the year (RD take note..)
Not much to report apart from this. Feeling pretty steady though.
Oh, apart from a fear that keeps popping into my head. I met H when I was 35. I was a bit shy and a bit of a late bloomer really. So, although I had boyfriends before H, they were all pretty short term - less than a year. So he has really been the 'one' for me. What if I can never get over him?
I know it's not very rational - of course I can get over him. But I just have this irrational fear of always loving him, but not being together again, and never really recovering.
Oh, and my other fear is - was I just bad at choosing someone?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
But I just have this irrational fear of always loving him, but not being together again, and never really recovering.
Its a big fear to have but it is irrational. as long as you know that
you probably will always love him in some way, noone can be part of your life for 11yrs and for you to not love them at all in anyway. Its what you do with that that matters, whether that love is used for compassion and forgiveness or whether it becomes bitterness and hatred (my parents opted for the latter after their divorce)
and as for the short term boyfriends - so what?
I got really stressed out (proper breakdown stuff which did serious damage to our Marriage) over the number of exs my wife had had (2 relationships cover my history since i was 19 and there is a lot more to this story, but....). She kept trying to tell me that she had all those exs because she was choosy, if she wasnt then plenty were good enough, but in the end she picked me because it was me that she fell in love with (we'll gloss over that she regrets this now). I wished i'd listened
anyway my point is you picked the right person and you didnt settle for second best. you can make a good decision and have a bad outcome, its one of those things. as long as you try to make a good decision thats right for you, the odds will play in your favour.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
I think it's something everyone here have at some degree, in different ways, for different reasons: FEAR.
I too think about loving my H and never be able to share a life w/him again. After 18y there are so much that sometimes words are not necessary, it just the look and we know.
I also have this fear that no one will ever love me the way he did. And guess what, probably not, probably if there will be someone else, it will be a different love, but who knows, it can be even better.
I think that in general breaking up is one of the hardest thing. Death is final, divorce is eternal and painful.
You are doing great, considering all what you have been through. Keep you head up.
