Has anyone heard of the other rules of DB: if you have a partner/spouse that is sensitive or needy you DO pursue. That is the position I am in--I have to pursue even though I am also (equally) hurt. Otherwise it all falls apart.
Pursuit and distance is from a book that is not about DB
I would say that DB says to do what works and 180 what doesnt.
But it also sounds like you are in a huge cycle that keeps repeating itself and will continue to do that until it is broken. Each time getting harder and harder.
