I got 99 problems but an MLCer ain't one!

[daring]

Job, 123Gwen and CaliGuy- thanks for your well wishes and support.

I just got back from my trip and took a break from the boards or reading any self help or relationship books while on it. I read some romance novels by Danielle Steele whom I used to love but haven't read in 15 years! I focused on family and " being in the moment" and had a wonderful time!! I love all my in laws and all of H's four siblings and their kids/spouses plus mom and stepdad were all there. We went snow tubing and did family style meals in the cabins, played with all our kids and did a family gift exchange. It was so fun and I felt fully included- of course I've grown up with all of them so they really are my family too. All the cousins played together and even my S17 ( b-day yesterday) decided to forgo snowboarding in order to spend more time with family. I was very proud of him.
I posted lots of pics on my FB and H " liked" them all ( he liked his siblings' pics too). I wonder if he started to realize how much he was missing.

As far as me- I'm feeling pretty ok. This trip actually lifted my spirits and my father-in-law ( H's stepdad) even pulled me aside to say he understands what H is dealing with but eventually he can't run away from himself and he will have to realize that he can't " fill the hole" he's looking to fill with anything other than facing his issues. Spoken from experience it sounds like- I know my FIL has had lots of emotional issues in his life and has come to a place of peace.

So H texted a few times while we were away and I only answered things that were logistics for kids. S8 face timed him a few times and would try to hand me the phone and I would hand it off to my other kids. I was in " no H " mode. Weird since I was with his family but even they just went along without mentioning him. I think they were hurt he didn't come.
So today he texted and called to see if we made it in. I was distant but cordial- maybe it's my imagination but the more I'm getting to the point where I'm letting go the more he seems to " check in" with me.
Who knows- I'm not looking for those positive signs anymore, in fact, I'm more expecting the worst and if it's not as bad I'll be in a position to decide what I want.

Will catch up on everyone over the next couple of days. I'm sure I've missed a lot.

Here's to a Happy New Year and a marvelous 2015 for all of us!!