Really too late....

[lost18]

Lost, remind us -- what is your H's position with respect to the OW? Has he acknowledged her or completely denied it? Does he claim that he is no longer in contact with her, or did he just agree to respect your boundary and not contact her when you (or the girls) are there?

He has never acknowledged there is an ow. After the BD in Feb he spent the weekend somewhere with someone but his story about spending it with his buddy doesn't make sense. He spent 3ish days in the UK prior to our vacation in July (yes I snooped and admitted it) and claims to have just hung out there by himself. Again after snooping on his phone in July (not admitting what I know) I found lots and lots of communication between him and an OW in the UK. He did say (not in so many words) that he feels he is "free" to do whatever because he told me he wanted a D.

When he came home in Oct, the first day he was back he made a statement about me snooping and we "talked" about it. I than told him that I would appreciate him not communicating with OW or OWs while me and the kids are home. He made some comment about video chatting and agreed that would be disrespectful.

I don't have a way to prove that he is communicating with an OW but I think he probably is and I feel at this point I need to have some self-respect in regard to that. Also, I don't get any sort of feeling from him that he's changed his mind about D therefore feels like he's not doing anything wrong, but if he truly felt that then he probably wouldn't be as worried about hiding what he's doing. I know that's lots of mind reading, he also hasn't moved forward in anyway with a D.

He's home every night, rarely goes out, maybe an hour or two during the day so at this point there is no ongoing PA although there probably was.

Admittedly, I have done things I shouldn't, made excuses to go in the garage when he's out there (trying to catch him? make it inconvenient for him?) and there have been times when I can see that he's gotten angry about it. I am not going to out of the blue bring it up to him, however, if I do see him texting and trying to hide it I am going to reenforce my boundary.

"H, I don't know for sure who you are texting when you come out in the garage, but we did have an agreement when you came home and I hope you are honoring that agreement." (not sure on the wording here).

Also, not sure if he'll respond or how I may respond to his response so any advice here would be great.

It may not make a difference to him at all, but I need to feel like I'm standing up for myself and not being a doormat that allows him to do whatever the heck he wants.

maybe you can trust that he's being honest and focus your energy elsewhere (like making sure that you spend QT together).

Trust is hard, especially since he's not asking for it but I totally agree with focuing my energy elsewhere, maybe another reason I feel I need to say something. Unfortunately not a whole lot of QT right now.