I'm genuinely grateful for the input but I think I'm still just not getting something here. Sorry Ok then I am not explaining in the best way for your understanding. My issue
*I know my wife is waywad (ongoing sexually active relationship with OM(1) You may "know" but there is no challenge to this and this behaviour and the things W says you "justify" to yourself to assuage your own guilt at not being perfect. This behaviour of Ws is unacceptable no matter what you said or did.
* my wife is also very clear there is no way back for us. then why bother? The basics of DB is that it takes one to Tango. so what? Irrelevant. That's your view of reading her mind or accepting at face value what she says. Sandi rule 100% of what they say. This W lies, spews, manipulates like the rest of the WAS who are wayward. W isn't a special snowflake.
*I have protected all my rights to the kids as far as can without significant legal escalation I agree from what you say
*In disagreements regarding the kids my wife continues to be unreasonable but is likely to significantly escalate and has threatened such (documented with my solicitor) No reason to disagree. She would do this anyway if it suited her purpose. She is wayward
*The financial settlement is still to be resolved but in truth she is trying to play me and it won't happen. I agree behind you 1000%
*Filing serves me little purpose at this stage except for 'statement' value I agree
* my wife is likely being underhanded with a number of aspects but I cannot say exactly what. I do know she is clever and a very skilled manipulator Yes absolutely and she is wayward and Jim knows this but gives weight to all and any of W complaints, blames and spew.
but I know where my boundaries are are you enforcing them? And what happens when W spews, do you STFU and detach?
To go further at this stage is to escalate in a way I do not wish to that is more than enough reason!
or to degenerate relations further This W is wayward beware!
(no good for the kids). the kids should not be between you and W
Her words don't hurt me, Duh! Jim I read your threads. I analysed your conversation with W on the thread above. And above you state that W is out of R forever. Can you not see this contradicts itself? You are saying you know W is wayward, she lies, manipulates is clever and yet you give credence to her words because you feel guilty. Let go that rope Jim. Yet still you state that W categorically is out of R? So you believe what she says?
how I react to them is what hurts me how do you react to them when she is around? Are you still trying to persuade W back into an R? Jim, I absolutely think you are one of the best dads and H material here on this board but I am concerned that you don't think that because of your guilt. W spews and you guilt yourself on anything even W blaming you for her R with her children. This is one of the most hurtful things I have read and I want to shake you good and angry about it. W takes no responsibility for W, you have taken it all and then you get told when you do that you control, which you then guilt over! W is separate to you.
and so I'm trying to do better to control my reactions Jim this W is wayward, detach !
and act like im OK regardless. We all do this in DB act as if
Or am I still missing something? Yes, you are missing Jim. Concentrating on the whimsy of a wayward W and not the reality of Jim. Jim is an amazing guy, has come a long way but admits to guilt. Won't tell W WTF and detach. Gives credence and power to W and none to Jim.
I would dearly love that the Jim that I think the world of to be held up in his own eyes. To lose the guilt and to march to the beat of his own drum. To recognise his wayward W behaviour as truly wayward and to cease giving any credence to what she says. To loose the guilt and to detach. Vanilla
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
