Haven't posted in a while... Just don't think there is much to say.
I'm generally much more at peace because I do feel like I have let go (maybe not 100%... but at least 80%!)
I find myself grieving a bit still, but less and less. Mostly my grief is about missing out on time and experiences with my D. That will never go away. And I need to eventually figure out how to make sure that she doesn't feel like I've abandoned her. Every time I tell her I'm not going with her to Grandma's house, or that I'm not going to see her for a couple of days (and I do it with a smile, because I don't want her to feel bad leaving)... does that make her think I'm happy to leave her?!?
I got a referral to a child psychologist... this is my number one concern at this point. I am also very concerned about how to answer the question "Why?" if my daughter ever raises it. Do I say, "Daddy and I weren't getting along?" While true, I do not want to teach her that's what you do when you "don't get along" with your spouse.
These are big questions that I'll be working on for years, I suppose.
I am not perfect--I never will be. But I am definitely someone only a fool would leave. I have NO regrets about my behavior. I can go to sleep at night knowing that I did absolutely everything I possible could. It just wasn't up to me.
The support from this community has been so amazing-- life-changing, really. I will always be so grateful and will spread the word of how important and valuable this process is to anyone I can. Thank you all.
