Riding the rollercoaster

[PeterV2]

Yeah, Dawgy, it's hard to believe when they say the A is over. Our imaginations are fertile and play tricks on us. Maybe you should work on a Dear John note with her for her to send to the OM.

My advice is to write a final letter in a way that the victimized spouse would agree to send it. It should begin with a statement of how selfish it was to cause those they loved so much pain, and while marital reconciliation cannot completely repay the offense, it's the right thing to do. A statement should be made about how much the unfaithful spouse cares about his spouse and family, and for their protection, has decided to completely end the relationship with the lover. He or she has promised never to see or communicate with the lover again in life, and asks the lover to respect that promise. Nothing should be said about how much the lover will be missed. After the letter is written, the victimized spouse should read and approve it before it is sent.

OM,
I have made a decision. I want to be with my husband. I no longer want to continue our relationship or keep any secrets from Dawgy. Everything is out in the open. I realize now that I used poor judgment in getting involved in this in the first place and am sorry for that. I plan to get help to understand how I could betray my own values as well as my family.
I am recommitting to Dawgy. Do not contact me again for any reason.
I know this is abrupt but that is the only way. We both knew the risks we were taking. Please respect my decision to no longer have any contact. I will no longer respond to any email, text, calls or other attempts to communicate with me.
W

OM;
I want you to know that out of respect and love for my husband, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk with you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that Dawgy did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay Dawgy for the pain I have caused him, I will do my best to become the wife he’s been missing. I care a great deal for Dawgy and I would not want to do anything to risk his happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely,
W

Just a couple of examples to run by her - see if she'd be willing to send them. Feel free, both of you, to edit them as you see fit.

Just a thought. It may help bring you together.

Good luck.