Sex. That old thing again. We jumped back into the saddle again awhile ago so it is part of the relationship, but it is kind of "mechanical" in the sense that there is really no foreplay or build up per se.....it just kind of happens - usually in the morning before S wakes up for the day and we start moving a million MPH to get out of the house in time for work. Thus far, we don't really kiss. Not like people passionate about one another kiss. It's not me...I want to - but she still has that wall up. Her IC says that a lot of it has to do with the sexual trauma and abuse from her childhood that makes intimate connections difficult.
Crimson, I hesitate to post this because 1) I am not totally up on your sich, I have read a lot of it, but am by no means really familiar 2) 25years has already chimed in and imo everything she says is gold and 3) this is really personal stuff. BUT...(you knew that was coming)... When I read this I could relate to your W. Maybe we don't have the same thought process, but maybe there's something to it, so I'll say it.
I love morning sex. Totally my favorite. The best part of any day I don't have to get up super early. But I very well may be in the minority. So maybe your W actually likes it, maybe she is just being accommodating. It's probably worth figuring out.
And believe it or not, I understand about your W not wanting a lot of foreplay. Foreplay is a very intimate thing to do, and if you don't need it to "get there" then it's easier to just focus on the "getting there" and not have to expose yourself intimately. I am sorry to say I spent a lot of years doing that. H was very happy with our sex life (even in MC as he was listing off my faults he listed sex as a positive), and he thought I was, too. But it was, in fact, "mechanical", not a real connection. At least you have the wisdom to see that.
So I don't have any advice for you, I just wanted you to know that I could totally relate to your W on this one. And to encourage you to address it when the time is right.
